


Roger's Diary

by SweetIllusions



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Brian May/Roger Taylor Fluff, Confessions, Diary/Journal, Dreams, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Love Stories, M/M, Multi, Protective Brian May, Protective Freddie Mercury, Protective John Deacon, Protective Roger Taylor (Queen)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23045518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetIllusions/pseuds/SweetIllusions
Summary: Roger deals with a lot of things by writing them down on a diary and telling his love story with his bandmates.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury, Brian May/Roger Taylor, Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 43
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again.  
> Yup, I never learn... Even when all my other works flopped heavily, I keep coming back for more.  
> This time it's a good fluff, because I need to prove that I can write cute things too...
> 
> "Heaven For Everyone" will come back strong, nothing was abandoned!
> 
> Kudos and comments make my world go round!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Things looked fine, really good even, considering who we are and the mess our lives were at the time. It must have been the freshness of the new project, Smile was dead and gone and after an entire year of having Freddie insinuate he should be in the band, he was our new vocalist. 

The poor guy sounded like a dying sheep, couldn’t keep a note if his life depended on that. And this comes from the lad who looks and sounds like a lass, Brian would laugh at my face if he was not rotting in the library, but incredibly enough, people liked us. 

After six bloody months and 5 bass players, Smile 2.0, Stone Cold Crazy or whatever it was called had a new guy on the Bass, and even though the first 03 of us are like different parts of an explosive, the calmness of the new guy settled us down for a while.

It wasn't bad, working with Freddie at the stall in the mornings, practicing all afternoon at Imperial College and attending classes at the night period, because that was cheaper. Things would only get complicated on gig nights, but even the professors knew Rock n Roll was my priority, and as long as keep my grades way up high, they'd help me out here and there. 

Our flat was divided like this: Freddie and John shared a room and me and Brian shared the other one. This when Freddie is not out on an adventure of all sorts or when I have to kick Bri out of our room because he wants to keep studying until the Sun is up. I like my nights to be dark and cozy when I have a small chance of getting some sleep, which is already rare.

We all have our affairs. Well, I have more than one, but no one is counting, I guess… Mary, Freddie’s karma, comes to visit us regularly, usually when all the rest of us are out, to avoid complications to the poor enclosed man… Is she blind or something?? Guess we’ll never know…

We’re not just a band, we’re together. Well, if you could call what we have a relationship, the thing is that we love each other just as much as we like making music together. And I can say for myself that I like that a lot. 

Every night out, every after party, ends up with at least two of us making out in some place of this flat, and I wouldn’t change that for anything in this world. If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it, amirite? 

It’s more than the usual relationship, we really care about each other, each one having his role on the equation, the songs we created are not random, they are the result of the interaction between us and how good we are together. 

No, I’m not talking about rainbows and butterflies here, we were not perfect, starting for my fucked up traumatized self, but we make things work just fine for four blokes from completely different backgrounds that decided to live together to save on rent… (My mom is still cross with me for that decision…)

Brian was an only child, the boy was always lonely as fuck and even when we met it took me ages to become his friend. I totally understand why he didn’t have friends before Smile, sharing toys with him would be a nightmare, he starts to grumble every time I look at the Old Lady... But that’s the only problem, if I could describe him it would be like this: Big heart, bigger brain, and zero self-esteem, lives inside his own world, and sometimes forgets he’s only human and goes too hard on himself. He’s a good man, but as every only child he likes things his way, every-fucking-thing, but don’t we all?

Freddie is my soulmate. The one I’d kill and die for… We share the same soul, if you believe in this kind of stuff. But he’s a free spirit. Well, so am I, he’s just independent, I guess. He loves intensely, he gives all that he has. He loves to smile and I’d do anything to make him smile freely 24/7. Freddie doesn’t care where you come from or where you’re going, he wants you to have a grand time while he’s with you, nothing else, and to this day, he had never disappointed me. 

John is our Bean, the perfect young brother-boyfriend-bottom this relationship could ever have. He’s fun, calm, gorgeous, intelligent. He’s the one who stops us from spilling blood on the carpet during the heated arguments, the one who keeps me grounded not only because I trust him with my life, but because I’d never do anything to make him mad. Mad Deacy is wild, and no one wants to have that one around… 

These are my men, my pack, and even when they leave me insane, I’d still rather be with them than in any other band. 

Like the time Freddie came into our rehearsal space screaming. 

“QUEEN!” 

“What happened to her??” John asks, clueless.

“Us, darling, we should call ourselves Queen! Look at this…” He spreads a paper on the top of a drum head with the apparent new name and logo. All made by himself. 

“Impressive, Freddie. But if these are our zodiac signs, I don’t believe in any of that....” Brian pointed. 

“Stop acting like a cancerian then, Bri… It should be your face here instead of this crab, sweetie…” 

“Queen it is??” I asked, trying to support Freddie after he did the whole thing alone. 

“Not yet! Let’s think about it a little…” Brian and John half-shouted in unison and it scared me how they teamed up so quickly… 

And this is why I still call us Smile 2.0… No agreements, no new name.

At the end of the day we’re just a bunch of dudes with heavy opinions and strong hearts making music and loving each other far from the judgemental eyes… 

Queen doesn’t sound far from reality after all…

**

Brian woke up sick this morning, nothing serious, maybe a revenge from all the plants he kills on every meal, but it got my attention because he always brags about never getting sick.

“Still feeling sick?” I asked, having the sound of heavy vomiting coming from the bathroom. “I’ll take that as a yes… Freddie made you some tea, Deacy got your bed sheets to the washer, and I’m here waiting. Take your time and don’t try to get up without help, call me. 

It was terrible to see one of your lovers on his knees in front of the toilet letting out his insides, even worse when it was the finals week, which explained a lot about Brian’s health, and got all the three of us alarmed. 

As students we all were different. I never studied for more than a couple of hours and always got the best grades in my class, which made me believe in miracles after surviving the first semesters with my books almost intact. 

Freddie was studying art, and he brought that to his daily life. Every new tendency, every new color he learned about would soon show up as a piece of clothing on our wardrobes or a cushion on the sofa. I never complained because I like comfiness, even if it made our sofa an awful carnival of colors, or our stage vests a little too much on the eyes. 

Deacy was the lucky bastard that could go to his exams in between rehearsals and never fail. But that is what we expect from the guy who came to the audition with his own homemade amp and would always fix anything on the flat, no matter how old it was.

And Bri was the overthinker. The awful creature who messed up with my sleep schedule every time he had a test or presentation. He was always so afraid to fail it always got him sick, even though I never saw him failing anything college-wise. Sometimes I think I’d love to punch his parents and previous teachers for breaking his self confidence so hard. But he’s an anti-violence dude, so I just try to be supportive…

“Here, rinse your mouth with this…”

“Yikes. What the hell…”

“Orange peel tea and lemon, your stomach is gonna like it…”

“Where did you…” he tried to ask after gulping the awful thing at once.

“Anatomy of the digestive tract, 3rd period…” I interrupted him, getting ready to help when he was ready to stand up, brush his teeth and go back to bed. 

“I still have to finish the assignment on black holes and nuclear energy…”

“To hell with that, you need to sleep, and so do I” I said, feeling a disapproving gaze from Deacy who was coming from his room with clean sheets. 

“I’ll help you with that after you sleep this stomach flu out of your body…” Deacy affirmed, going back to our room and getting Brian’s bed propped up. 

“And I can massage your feet until you fall asleep. But first you’ll have to drink at least half of the tea I made” Freddie announced “Chamomile, darling, no sugar, just the way you like it…” Freddie placed the tea on our bed stand.

After the tea was drunk and the poor patient was back on his bed, tucked in, surrounded by Deacy and me on both sides and receiving a massage on his feet from Freddie, all came back to normal, everyone was as safe and sound as we could feel, and soon it would become history….


	2. Chapter 2

Brian can really piss me off sometimes.

Like he feels some awkward pleasure on teasing me and provoking me to start a fight when he has the energy.

Usually during rehearsals he starts the bickering, telling me to go stronger on the drums or to slow down a notch, or both at the same time, like I’m some kind of robot he can control the volume and speed… Wanker!

“If I slow down a little more we’re gonna play waltz…” I yelled from the back, ‘causing Deacy to snort his coffee.

“There’s no drums on real waltz..” Brian replied. 

“Exactly! Do you want me in this band or not??” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Bri. He’s my furry furious lover, but he knows how to get on my nerves, and the bastard likes it… By the look on his face you know he’s up to no good. When he’s being serious he’s the most considerate person to be around, really, but Jesus knows he can be a dick sometimes… Yesterday was one of those days.

“Ok. I’m sorry. Do it your way. Let’s start over…” 

“Right, darlings, for real this time, please? I don’t have the whole day…” Freddie went back to his place after the 95th pause and we played Keep Yourself Alive and a few new tracks complete for the first time today. I was definitely growing a little older and wiser with every rehearsal that went like that.

Going back home it was time to watch Freddie and Brian start their particular war over new song titles. They were lucky I was driving, ‘cause I’d have thrown fists on those two stubborn fuckers.

Whenever one of us had something new to add to the setlist it was always stressful, egos everywhere blowing our relationship out of the way so our music could be heard, I fought for mine, but not so harshly as Freddie and Brian.

Back at home I had to prepare for my night classes, not that I could remember the disciplines I’d have, but at least I’d have to be there. The obstacle?? Deacy. I couldn’t avoid that boy…

“Going shower?”

“Yup…”

“Wanna join you…”

“I don’t think we have enough time for that, Deacs…” I said, really sorry I couldn't spend any more time with him. It had been a while, you know?

"I will make it worth your time, promise." John put his hands on my hips and whispered these words in my ear, making it look like a dirty little secret... From then on my body just followed his body.

"Ok then…" I accepted defeat, there's no way to avoid Deacy when he wants you. I followed him to the bathroom and he pinned me by the wall, kissing me with the angry passion of a teenager, I love this about him, and I only hope he never grows out of that young lover type. His skin meeting mine while clumsily helped me take off my clothes, the heat of the adrenaline of hours practicing together exchanging hungry looks and throwing kisses at each other, that was a good pre game session… 

After our clothes were discharged on the floor he turned on the shower and walked a few blind steps, never letting me go, we started to feel the water run through our bodies. The heat of his body and the coldness of the water got me harder than a stone and in a brief look down I could see our cocks fighting for the space between our bodies. Deacy hurried his face against my neck, covering the spot with kisses and love bites, I could feel my legs becoming weak and I thanked the gods for his arms around me, otherwise I'd melt right there. 

Deacy placed his hand on my bum and gave it a little squeeze, soft and hot enough to send me over the moon while I tried desperately to reach his lips. My cock was filling up and spilling precum and I knew our time was ending. 

My hands went down to our cocks, pressing their heads together watching as Deacy melted in my hands, it was my time to hold him tight. One arm kept him steady while the other worked on our erections. For a second all the outside noises disappeared and all I could hear was our moans and the water. I let go of my own erection and focused on his, Deacy was stone hard in my hand when I started to stroke his cock, first gently, adjusting the pace slowly, teasing a little, until I felt he was ready for more.

Deacy's heavy breaths and moans were already driving me insane, but then he kissed me and we locked eyes until his orgarsm punched him with shivers down his spine, and as I started to slow down the pace of the strokes, hypnotized by that vision of Deacy holding on for dear life in front of me, I got too caught up on the scene I could barely feel my own body going. We got our orgasms together, laughing at the end, too excited and ecstatic like it was the first time. 

With Deacy it always looks like it's the first time…

***

Deacy and I showered fast after that, going to our separate bedrooms with happy smiles.

"You and Deacy had fun in there I can see…" Brian said, lifting his eyes from the music sheet he was reading. 

"Deacy strategies for stress relief never fails!" I responded with a grin while I dressed up.

"Well, invite me next time…"

"Don't need to get jealous, Bri… we can have our fun anytime…"

"I was a jerk with you today, I'm really sorry…" Brian came closer for a kiss.

"You're forgiven if you do the laundry tonight." I suggested. "I'm late to… neurochemistry, I guess…" 

"The laundry and your favorite dinner." 

"Brian Harold May, feel free to piss me off anytime…" I teased, kissing him fast and running out of the flat with only a coat in my hands.

"Don't you need your notes and pencils, darling?" Freddie shouted from the door while I rushed downstairs. 

"I take the girls' notes, just need to be there…"

"Flirty bastard!" Freddie and Brian said between laughs. I still could see them looking after me when I (miraculously) catched the right bus just in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you keep enjoying this as much as I'm having fun writing.  
> Opinions and suggestions are very welcome, as well as kudos and comments make my world go round!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be all about Roger and Freddie, but I completely changed my mind while writing this, so...   
> Who wants more JOGER?? 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, it's 3:45am and God knows I should be sleeping...
> 
> Quarantines make me emotional, leave all the kudos and comments to make me smile!

Yesterday was Freddie's birthday. The best and the worst part of the year to the rest of us. Freddie is not like Bri or Deacy that would be completely satisfied with a simple handmade cake or dinner sharing a glass of wine with their lovers. He's not like me, I don't care about birthday parties and gifts, as long as I can go out and get fairly shitfaced, I'm completely okay, all that happens in the process is a bonus, and I'll be grateful anyway. 

But none of this is enough for young extravagant Freddie. He cares a lot about his birthday, and God have mercy on our souls if one of us don't plan something special… weeks of endless rants about our lack of interest on him. 

So this year Deacy took the chance to lead us on his idea of a PERFECT Freddie-like party. 

Deacs had worked with this stage engineer fixing lights and stuff like that, and surprisingly enough, the man was about to open this huge nightclub just a couple of blocks away from our flat. The plan was to drag Freddie over there before their opening night to a closed party, the obstacle, the Bulsara's. I had to call his mom and say he wouldn't be able to have dinner with them that week because we'd be playing on his birthday. Which wasn't a total lie, there was a stage on the nightclub and we probably would play something, if everything went according to Deacy's plan. Again, the obstacle, The Birthday Boy. Yesterday Freddie woke up extra emotional and clingy, but not towards all of us, only Deacy. He needed his sweet Deacy Love, and initially, I couldn't blame Freddie, our John was indeed irresistible. 

But while they got all the romance they wanted, I was the one trying to make the party happen flawlessly, me and my loyal Bri, of course.   
In 12 hours we delivered all the invitations, checked the place from the ceiling to the floor, checked out all the dancers and bartenders that were going to be there at night… we did everything. Deacy's part at the end was only to be there with Freddie, and give me a backrub every day for the rest of the month. 

It's not that I wasn't happy to help, I was, really, it was for Freddie, and I’d give every drop of blood in my body for him, he just has to ask... The thing was the tiredness I guess, seeing Freddie and Deacy locked in the room by themselves all day while we worked so hard was exhaustive, I had the right to complain, right?? 

Well, maybe not… maybe I needed some of that Deacy Love too and got a little bit jealous, it had been a while since Deacy had given me some of his undivided attention…

But this is not the point, I guess… 

The point is: The party happened! And I don’t like to brag, but I did a great job!  
When Freddie arrived at the club he couldn’t stop smiling. 

I never saw him so happy.... All his friends were there, all the people from art school, even Tim showed up, and we haven’t hung out with him since that Humpy Bong disaster.

It was definitely his kind of party, with all sorts of crazy people, colors, lots of dancing (Deacy planned that part), awesome food and booze. All sorts of it, really. I still don’t know how John managed to get these things FOR FREE, but maybe we’re just not valuing the brilliant engineer that we have at home. 

Let me tell you something about me that I probably never admitted to anyone in my life, and never will: I’m a needy man. Like, real needy. I hate being alone. Since I left Truro I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I went to bed alone, and I didn't like those nights… 

So, when I realized I was alone at the party, that kinda hurt. 

Brian was having his fun comparing guitar stuff with a few of Freddie's roadie friends (some of them had worked with Hendrix!!) And giving attention to some birds that danced for him exclusively, I didn't seem to fit there, so I didn't join them. Freddie and Deacy were on the dancefloor, being the total dancing Queens they were. 

And I was alone at the counter, finishing a pint. I could only observe them having fun with everything, and I'd love to be satisfied with only that, but I wasn't. The way Freddie's hands held Deacy firmly while they had a slow dance was irritatingly getting on my nerves, and the way Bri had fun without none of us, kissing the girl who were at the moment giving him the politest lapdance ever seen, it stung more than I care to admit. So I did the best reasonable thing for people like me: I drank a little more and went on the search for some people to call my own for the night.

For my surprise, that worked well, and soon I had one of the strippers and one of Freddie's friends from art school with me on a table, sharing sloppy kisses and body heat the best way we could considering the circumstances. But even though my body was responding well to that, my brain was focused on Deacy. He was a few meters away, starting to kiss Freddie freely and exchanging looks with me like his life depended on provoking me. And that made me wild… In seconds, watching that scene of them and feeling the hands and light kisses of those girls on my own body made my pants achingly tight, God, how I wished I could join them, but it didn’t look right… 

About half an hour of that game went by until I lost it. A man has his limits, and mine was that close to the edge. I started feeling like they didn’t care about me, as silly as it sounds looking back at that now, I felt alone like I haven't felt in ages, no one needed me around…  
I looked at Bri and he looked so happy there, talking and laughing and romantically holding that stripper, I think her name was Peaches… or any other suggestive fruit, he looked so damn soft, she had him wrapped around her fingers, and that hurt, because that was MY soft man, even though he didn't give a sixpence for me all night.

Freddie looked like a fucking ray of sunshine, he was glowing, singing and dancing with Deacy by his side, he looked almost edible… 

And Deacy, my Lord… he looked like he was already being fucked, and that was so sexy and gorgeous and… I needed HIS hands on me. HIS kisses… I could already hear his moans and whispers… not having what I wanted was damn frustrating, so frustrating it made me angry. I shoved the girls away and found an excuse to leave earlier. (It's 03:15 in the morning early?).

Came back to our flat alone, and that silly feeling on my chest just grew… Suddenly that was an enormous flat, and being there alone didn't look so nice. Thank God for that abandoned bottle of gin from the last private party. That was my company through the night…

I took my clothes off and turned on the telly, breaking rule #4 of the roommate contract, no nakedness in the living room, and sipped from the bottle, until my feelings seemed off. Then I sat on the couch and started touching myself, stroking my flat penis until it was awake again. I was craving for a certain pair of calloused hands of a certain bassplayer/engineer/minx. 

How dared he abandon me for so long? How dared they ignore me all night after all I worked? My thoughts were all over the place, and the faster I worked my hand on my cock the wronger it looked… I'm Roger Taylor, I don't play with myself, I always had someone to do that for me! 

I was miserable, my mind was going back to moments I surely didn’t want to remember and I felt weak being there alone, I wanted to go to my bedroom, but I had no strength in my legs to take me there… 

When the Sun was almost up I heard the front door being opened and some stumbles and giggles, but it only made me afraid of their reaction to my pathetic state…

Freddie was the first to notice me, not that he was in a better state, he just kept his clothes on…

“Roggie, darling, what the actual fuck?" He asked, stumbling his way to the couch and falling by my side on it. "Roggie, my dear… have you been crying?" He noticed, touching my face with clumsy fingers and licking said fingers. "Those are tears!" He affirmed, shocked. "Oh Rog, what the hell happened?"

"I'm perfectly fine!" I said, shoving him away and hiding my face in the cushions. 

"And completely wasted…" Bri said, standing close to me. "Come, I'm gonna help you get to the room…" he pulled my arm and tried to make me get up but I needed to be alone so I fought him and fell back on the couch. 

"Get out, Bri. Please. I…" I slurred, ashamed and convinced that they didn't love me. "You don't care, no one does…"

Freddie shrugged and gave up, giving me a light kiss on the ear and standing up the best way he could to make his way to his room. Bri also didn't say anything, mostly because he never knows what to say when someone is feeling down, so he kissed the top of my head and left for our room. "We're gonna talk about this in the morning, okay?" 

"No, we won't…" I replied.

I felt like a five year old that broke the window playing football in the living room. Suddenly everything I felt all night was childish and ridiculous and it only meant that they'd love me less and less… I was so caught up in my own mess that I forgot Deacy was there with me, sitting on the armchair, head heavy with drunkness, like me.

"Will you abandon me as well?" I said, feeling hot tears flooding my eyes again. 

"The opposite." He clumsily made his way to the couch and held me in his arms, adjusting our bodies in a way until I was on top of him, laid on my belly, head just down his neck, enveloped on his arms. "I'm not going anywhere…" he kissed the top of my head. "Did you hear me?" He lifted my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. "I'll never leave. None of us will…" and that, only that, was the reassurance I needed at the end. 

We aligned our breaths and fell asleep there, with Deacy covering our bodies with the cover of the couch, a big brown blanket Freddie forced me to buy ages ago…

When the drunkness was starting to leave my body another part of me woke up as soon as I realized I was entwined to Deacy like a pair of cats. I felt sorry for the boy, but I had a hard on and that was the perfect chance to do something about it…

"Deacs…" I whispered, pressing my body on him and delivering kisses on the crook of his neck. "Deacs, my love… wake up, please…" I begged, watching as he lazily opened his eyes and moved his body to a position that completely tortured me. Our cocks fighting to see who would get their release faster… "I need you…" 

"What do you want, Rog, say it…" he instructed me, closing his eyes and absorbing my words.

"I want your hands, your cock… want you inside me, Deacy… please?!" I was desperate, starved for attention. "I wanna ride you…" I moaned in his ear, dropping kisses and soft bites on his neck.

"I will give you what you need, babe, just wait…" he said, in a deep voice that sent me to the moon and back in seconds. Then he got up to go to the bathroom, coming back minutes later, naked, with lube and a towel on his hands. "If we're gonna break the rules, we better keep it clean… and silent" he smiled at my lazy figure spread on the couch with an aching cock hard as a stone pointing to my low belly, knowing way too well that silence is not my forte. 

"Can't promise anything, but I will try…" 

I sat on the couch waiting for his next command and Deacy sat beside me, pointing to his lap when he was ready to have my full weight on it, and I climbed onto his lap, arms around his neck, face to face with him, a little bit uncomfortable on the couch, but we made it work.

We kissed and kissed and rubbed ourselves together, gaining rhythm and completely lost in the atmosphere. I only slowed down the intensity of the kisses when I realized that he had already lubbed his fingers and was ready to go inside me. 

"I'll just stretch you out a little, love, I don't want to hurt you…" I felt two fingers pressing and then sliding inside my hole, to which I responded moving my hips instinctively, a second of pain hit me, but then he moved his fingers in and I relaxed completely, I almost screamed when his cock reached my prostate, but he quickly shut me down with a kiss, and several others.

"I'm ready, Deacs, please…" I whispered as I felt my body going off and his fingers dancing around my parted entrance.

"Calm down, Rog… we're not on a hurry, right? Lift it up…" he gave me a soft squeeze on the hips as a sign for me to give him enough space to adjust himself. If then I had our cocks pressing on each other with that I had his cock poking around my hole, pulsing in pleasure and ready to go inside. I tried to tease him a little, but who was I fooling, I needed him more than he needed me at that moment. 

Deacon's cock went inside me and I felt full, I will never forget his strength, stroking in and his face of uncontrollable lust while I rode him slowly and teasingly, going up and down in all possible ways, our bodies completely connected and synced, just like it happens on stage. 

It didn't took much longer for us to reach our orgasms, first him, squirming and achingly pulsing inside of me until I felt my insides burn with the hot fluid, that scene alone sent me over the moon and soon I was seeing stars, arching my whole body to the back until I was laying down on his lap, feeling every punch of that hormonal bliss I could absorb, keeping him inside of me for as long as I possibly could.

"I didn't scream…" I said, proudly, my voice going a little bit raspier from all the adrenaline. 

"You didn't…" he pulled me back and I hugged him tight. "You were amazing all along, babe… I love you!" And suddenly everything I felt before came as a stone, a bad memory, and I started to cry while freeing him, still not leaving his lap. Part of me was still drunk and fragile, feeling the pain of being left out… 

"What happened Rog, talk to me, please?" He said while I sobbed onto his shoulder.

"I felt so tired and alone, I worked so hard, and all night, Deacy… You didn't even notice me there…" I said, tightening the hug and hiding my face on his neck until my voice was muffled. "I love you so much and Freddie took you away from me all day…"

"Oh Roggie, my poor blond mess… look at me." He said, making some distance between us carefully. "From now on I'll pay attention to this and I swear I will never make you feel like that again, ok? You are so mine, Roggie you have no idea…" he smiled at me with those caring eyes and I forgot all the silly pain, and then we kissed, and we cleaned up our bodies and we laid back on the couch like we were before, but this time I had the peace I deserved...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know what you're doing with this one?"
> 
> No, honey, I don't. And if you ever read my stuff you know that I have no idea what I'm doing here. It's a mystery...  
> But anyways, consider this part 02 of the previous chapter, I had to take this idea out of my brain, close it and move on, otherwise I'd go insane.
> 
> 21st day of the quarantine here, hope everyone is safe...

Brian woke me up with a kiss, Deacy was gone, Freddie was at the stall, and… Did I mention Brian woke me up with a kiss?? This time, I wished he hadn’t....

“I think you should go to our room…” He whispered in my ear.

“Don’t want to…” I could barely move. 

“I’ll make you pancakes” he bargained, annoyingly Bri always got what he wanted…

“I’ll have mine with extra whipped cream…” I replied, leaving the couch and doing a little run to our room. 

**

Back outside there was an inebriating smell of coffee invading the corridor, guiding my way to the kitchen.

"Oh Rog… sit down, yours is ready." Brian filled my favorite mug with coffee and gave me 4 huge pancakes, handing me the bottle of whipped cream so u could have my sugar fix. Then he grabbed his own pancakes and started eating them silently, one very suspicious look on me.

"What do you want?" I questioned.

"Just to observe you, is that a crime?" He replied, filling his mouth with a big bite of pancakes just in time.

"No, it's not… but the last time you made me breakfast it was when my mother came to visit us… did she call?" I rested my cutlery on the plate and faced him attentively.

"No, look… nothing happened this side of town, Rog. But obviously something happened yesterday and you need to open up…"

"I was exhausted, and I got drunk, that's what happened. Don't act like that was the first time, Bri." I replied, visibly irritated.

"I know, love, but that wasn't normal… that wasn't you." 

"Who the hell are you to know who the fuck am I, Brian? You're not an expert on everything, you know? If I tell you to leave that alone, do it!" I yelled. Storming out of the kitchen and slamming the door of our bedroom. I cursed the moment I chose to be his roommate because I knew it would take him seconds to come after me.

I didn't want to explain myself, what happened yesterday at Freddie's party was stupid and mostly only happened in my mind, so why the fuck did I have to keep talking about it? Brian could handle his curiosity. All that I wanted was to get rid of that ridiculous hangover and take a shower, maybe that would make me feel human again, cause I was feeling utterly disgusting… also, that would give me a few minutes before having to face Brian again... 

Fortunately Freddie was the last to leave the bathroom and forgot his shampoo there, I like the strawberry scent of that, it'd help me ease my mind…

Getting cleaned up was the best way to distract myself from that awful feeling from last night. I knew I was overreacting, drunk me does that a fucking lot, so why bother give that more attention than it deserved? I couldn't even remember seeing Bri after I arrived home anyway…

I came back to our bedroom smelling like strawberry bubblegum, relaxed and all proud of myself, certain that I gave Brian enough time to forget whatever he was planning to discuss about. He was still in the kitchen and I took a deep breath, uncovering my body and going to my side of the wardrobe to pick up something clean, not sure if I was going back to bed or if I’d take my chance going outside again. 

Before I could make my decision, here came Brian May, a head full of hair and good intentions…

“Can we talk now?”

"Of course we can. Have you seen the game last week?? Chelsea was really good! I think they'll get to the finals this year!" I responded. If we were going to talk, I'd pick the subject…

"Not about sports, Rog. You know I couldn't care any less about football…” 

“Then, whatever it is, drop it! I don’t owe you explanations on anything that I think about…”

“You said no one ever cares about you, and when I want to show you’re wrong, you keep pushing me away, I don’t know what you want, Roger!

“I want space, I have a headache and I'm going back to sleep, if you don't think there's something wrong with that too." 

And there I was, dressed only in a pajama bottom, staring at Bri, waiting for him to shut up and kiss me so I could drag him to bed with me, but instead he turned away and turned the lights off, leaving me alone with my thoughts and that hint of neediness back on my chest… 

I felt like I fucked up things with him, and of course he'd give me what I asked for, space... Stupid me.

Back to bed there was a lump on my throat, an urge to cry my heart out, and that's exactly what I did, cried myself to sleep for no particular reason other than loneliness…

  
  


***

Next time I woke up Freddie was sitting beside me on my bed. 

“Darling, dinner time…" he said, placing one hot bowl on the bedside table.

"It smells good… thanks Freddie…"

"Not for this, Roggie. Bri said you like it..." 

I sat on the bed and spread my abandoned towel on my lap, got my bowl of soup and Freddie started staring at me the same way Bri did earlier…

"Did you talk with Bri?" I said, blowing the heat out of my soap.

"He couldn't stop talking about you all afternoon…" came the answer I was looking for. 

"Is he still cross with me?"

"Brian?? Not in your wildest dreams, honey… he's worried, that's all."

"Did he send you?"

"Yes, and I offered to sleep here tonight… he thinks YOU are mad at him, can you believe that??" Freddie smiled, looking at me in a way that made me feel ridiculous for being angry with Brian. "Said he pushed you to do something you didn't want to and he's sorry. He's gonna sleep on the couch 'cause my bed is 'too soft'"

"I can sleep on the couch. He doesn't have to, it's gonna ruin his back…" I said, imagining the tall creature shrunk into a 3 places sofa, or worse, sleeping on the armchair. I put my soup back on the bedside table and tried to get up, I needed to tell Bri he could have the room, Freddie's bed was better than mine anyway.

"No… don't do this. Let him have his time out…" Freddie stopped me. "We talked a little bit and he has a lot to think about."

"Did you tell him…" 

"No, never, my dear Roggie." he interrupted me, waving my worries away, sealing the deal with a sweet kiss. "It's none of anyone's business. Only you can talk about it with whomever you want…"

"Thank you, Freddie… I love you."

"Love you too, darling. I'm gonna love you more if you finish your soup before it gets cold. Dishes are mine tonight…" 

I trust Freddie with all my secrets. He knows sides of me no one else know and I'm really comfortable around him all the time… 

"I will need you at the stall tomorrow…"

"Will be there… Promise."

"I'll get my stuff so I can sleep here…"

"I thought you were going to sleep with me…" I asked, sounding disappointed. "For the old times?"

"The old times… darling, we should leave those behind… that first flat shared with 4 more blokes and 3 ladies…"

"Good times!" I grinned. Freddie was the first to live with me. In fact, Freddie encouraged me to live in this place with a bunch of uni students, but when I was about to chicken out and leave my life in London, he held my hand and moved in with me to that mess. I felt safer because of him.

"For you darling, you were a teenager back then, you'd sleep under a rock if you had to!" He laughed.

"Again, good times…" I smirked cynically."

"Roger Meddows Taylor, you're a complete lost case…" he kissed me. "And that's why I love you! Now, give me some space so I can spoon you.

I clapped my hands like a five years old who just heard a new exciting bedtime story. Well, something exciting happened, but definitely not for the innocent years of my five years old self.

"I heard you and Deacy are having a lot of fun when we the boring old men are not around… want to tell me more about that?" He laid behind me on the bed, holding me close to his half naked chest and reminding me why I loved his heat so much. "I'm not jealous, just curious…" he whispered in my ear, sending a wave of heat straight to my brain. My breath became errant right away, damn Freddie and that damn accent.

"He showered with me the other day…" 

"Yeah? And how was that? Did he take care of you?"

"Very well…" I whispered. "And last night as well…"

"Did he take you all the way?" 

"Yes, it was simply wonderful…"

"I'm happy for you, darling…" and then he turned me over so he was on top of me. "And could I help you tonight?"

Freddie knew what to do, I didn't have to ask. He kept kissing me until our lips were swollen red, trapped me down his body so I could feel his weight and our groins heating up together, 

"I love you, Fred…" 

“Love you too, blondie…” 

The way our bodies were pressed into each other made it hard to move. Freddie is a strong man, don't be fooled by the clothes he wears on stage, the only delicate thing about him are his lips, I could get lost in them easily. I pushed him up, a little to get some movement and free my aching cock from my pants, then Freddie helped me kick everything off and freed himself from his tight shorts, showing off a very proud cock ready to attack, then we were back to a very heated make-out session. My hands were stroking his penis, feeling all its length, wet with precum until my fingers started to ache, his moans becoming louder and louder, his nails scratching my back like his life depended on it, making me want to scream in pain, certain that his marks would remain in my back for days to come. 

“Come, turn around, Freddie… I want to be on top.” 

“What do you wanna do, Rog, tell me…” 

“You’ll see…” I looked down to him, hopeless under my control, lust filled eyes and shivering and a shiny erection, inviting me down there.

I made a trail of kisses down his neck and chest, licking and pressing my lips, biting softly, taking my time to make eye contact with Freddie until I reached his groin, where I teased around his cock. 

I stood by the edge of the bed, between his legs while he adjusted himself to a better position, grinning at the looks I gave him. I held his tight with one hand to give me some comfort and confidence and my other hand went straight to his cock and my lips started to envelop the tip of his penis, the sensation of the warmth of my tongue and his pulsing member sending sweet vibrations to my own erection, I tried my best to keep breathing through my nose while getting the full lenght of him inside my mouth, it was a moment to show him how much I appreciated him, how much I cared… It had to be perfect.

Freddie’s member was thick, abnormally even, not the biggest amongst us(that is Deacy), but he was hard work, and he smiled when I didn’t gag wrapping my lips around it. 

“Good job, blondie…”

I could feel he was losing control each time I changed the way I sucked him, sometimes taking him out of my mouth completely so I could take a breath, but then I’d come back to action, feel his hand gripping my hair, holding it close and deep inside my mouth.

“I’m so close, darling, so so close…” he moaned when had him deep almost inside my throat, and without warning, I felt him filling up my mouth, apologetically crossing his fingers through my hair while doing so while I forced myself to swallow his load, proud I could make him cum so fast.

“I love you, Roger…” he whispered, both of us extremely tired, and I definitely needed a mouthwash. “I love you so much....”

“I love you more, Freddie… Way more than you know…” I replied, voice still rough and raspier because of what I did, but that could be taken care later, because I had warm caring, lovely Freddie Mercury beside me, and it was always a highlight in my life.

We laid glued to each other, Freddie being my small spoon even though he looked bigger…

“Honey, I feel something poking me… do you want me to do anything about it?” he said, probably offering me a handjob, or… himself.

“Nah, I’m tired, it’ll fade soon…” I responded, wrapping him tight close to me and falling asleep seconds later, knowing that I’d have other chances to relieve myself... 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to come out like this I almost gave up the whole thing... 
> 
> I'm really sorry I can't keep a good posting schedule, it's been real hard to find the motivation to write... My health is being real tricky and annoying, I had to go to the hospital a few days ago and now I'm anxious all the time... 
> 
> That explained, if this looks a little messed up, please forgive me...
> 
> Like I always say, comments make my world go round, don't be afraid to give me your most honest opinion...

Sorry momma, I know dentistry pays well, but it never gave me the thrill I feel when I see thousands of people dancing and clapping to the beats I brought to life. The energy of a rock concert is what I live for… I’m not a dentist. 

I am the drummer in a rock ‘n roll band, I’m not anyone else, I’m the heart, I’m the soul, I am the conductor of a very well orchestrated march, I am the instructor, the motor, the hidden piece that makes it all work. While everyone is distracted by Freddie's brightness, it’s me he’s obeying, I’m the one who lifts everything way up high when something is not flowing. 

A band is only as good as their drummer allows them to be, if their drummer sucks, they suck, and I can proudly say we’re bloody fantastic! I love my job, it gives me the chance to be all I always wanted to be, a rockstar! It gives me a great opportunity to observe this great machine working like a swiss clock. Brian, Freddie, John, they’re all connected to me all the time, I show them the way and they follow my lead, and it’s been working brilliantly since the very first time we rocked out together.

This explained, you can imagine how fucking mad I was with one of the big concerts being a complete disaster. Some idiot messed with the tunning of my drum kit and I kept sounding either too strong or too soft, it was like all my nightmares had come to life. I was exhausted from trying to keep the tune, and Brian looked at me many times with that inquisitive face of “mate, fix yourself!”... all I wanted to fix was the facial structure of the wanker that got his filthy hands on my drum kit. 

When we were approaching the end of the concert I was knackered, groggy from all the beers and seeing red. My anger took the best of me and after the last transition I just took enough time to tell Deacy to step aside from the drumstand and started trashing the whole kit, proving my point that the snare drums were loose. 

No one understood my explosion until we all were in the dressing room. 

“Have you lost your mind, Roger?” John asked, shutting the door behind us as soon as we were all in. 

“Almost!!” I shouted, jumping into the bathroom and claiming the shower to myself before everyone. “This was a trainwreck. Unbelievable…”

“The crowd was having fun…” Brian pondered. 

“They were high, darling. Rog is right, it was a mess, a good mess, but stil…” 

After a big silence filled up the room Freddie started filling up cups and distributing beers, handling me a full glass of whiskey as soon as I returned from the bathroom. 

"Thanks, Freddie…" I accepted my drink and started changing from the sweaty concert clothes I abandoned in the bathroom to something warm carefully packed by Brian like he does for each one of us. 

"You packed my favorite coat this time! Thank you, love…" I said, blowing him a kiss. 

“Yeah, it seems to be snowing outside, after the showers we’re heading home…” he ordered.

“No drinks with the people?” Freddie asked, using his best childish face. 

“I’m driving, I make the rules… We can have more drinks at home, they gave us enough beer for the month.” Brian replied pointing to the small fridge at the corner of the room. 

“I have a test tomorrow, so I’m with Bri on this… Wednesday is not a good day for afterparties…” Deacy said, grabbing a towel at the counter and heading to the bathroom. 

“We’re old and exhausted…” 

“Darling, you’re almost 23…” Freddie chuckled softly. 

"Tell me that again after you rub my back tonight. Now I have to go collect the pieces of my drum kit…" I said, also collecting the pieces of my pride and heading outside again to see the damages. 

Luckily, I'm not as strong as I think I am. Besides some lost knobs, all pieces were intact, I just had to put everything in order to get it back to the van. 

"Do you need any help?" This guy offered.

"I can handle it, mate, thank you."

"Let me see if I can head. Loose screws??" He insisted on the small talk 

"Yes. Loose toms, sounding twice as they should all concert…" I replied, turning to him for a moment to see who I was talking to. The bloke looked a little older than Freddie, taller than Bri, a fading hairline and a heavy smell of bad cigarettes. "I'm Roger, the furious drummer." I gestured for a handshake.

"I'm Chris…" 

"Liked the concert?" 

"Best one I've seen in awhile, besides your tantrum, of course…" 

Oh that… I'm sorry about that, bad timings, I guess…" I half apologized.

"Learn something, kid. " He said, like a true voice of wisdom. "Rockstars don't apologise. The real ones are never sorry about things they did at the heat of the moment. Years from now people are going to remember this night as the best concert they ever attended "

"You might be right…" I agreed. 

"I am always right." He took a deep drag off the cigarette and reached out to his back pockets, taking a card out of it and giving it to me. "Call me anytime you need a real drum tech." 

And then he left, cool chap this Chris guy. Probably gonna ring him for the next gigs…

After I was done with the drum kit, Brian came to help me put everything back in the van.

“Made a new friend?” he asked, making it clear that he was observing me from afar. 

“Jealous?” I replied, cinicaly.

“Only if I have a reason to be…”

“Not this time…” I teased, closing the back of the van and sitting on the passenger seat with a styrofoam box on my lap full of beer cans and a couple of bottles of cheap whiskey. 

“Are we allowed to take it all home??” Deacy asked, hopping up on the back seat behind me. 

“For the price they paid us, yes, darling. And we could’ve taken those fancy towels too, if we wanted…” Freddie replied, putting the money he just received inside an ugly money belt attached to his hips.

"We have enough towels, let's head home…" Bri started the ignition and drove us safely to our flat. 

*

"Still awake?" Brian asked, after he heard me toss and turn in my bed for about an hour. 

"Yup…" I couldn't see him inside the dark room, but I knew he was looking at me. 

"Need company?"

"It'd be nice…" 

Still in the dark I heard him get up from his bed with his blanket and come to mine, that was just a little bit smaller. 

"How are we gonna make this?" I asked.

"Give me some space and I'll take care of you…" 

Brian laid in my bed with his back to the cold wall, his feet almost hanging out of bed while I found my place in his arms, "Big spoon, small spoon… I like it like this…" 

"Good night, angel…"

"Good night, Brimi…"

We kissed and he enveloped both of us on the blankets, warm and relaxed.

**

_ “Get your hands off her. Back off. You won’t hurt us anymore, I won’t let you… Stop!!” _

“Roger, wake up, love.” Brian said, I couldn’t respond to it, still stuck in that visit from the past. “It’s only a bad dream, Rog, come here…” he shook me up a little, softly enough to take me out of the limbo. 

I woke up dizzy in a sudden shortness of breath. 

“It was a nightmare, Rog. You’re okay now, everything is fine…” Brian whispered in my ear, holding me tighter in his arms. “I’m here, baby. No one’s gonna hurt you, I will protect you, love.” He kissed me softly, barely awake himself, while I cried of shame and fear, the images still alive in my memory. I buried my face on the crook of his neck and climbed on top of him, like a scared kid letting out the damages of a scarred mind. 

I cried for a few more minutes, feeling the comfort of his embrace and his reasuring whispers in my ear, constantly telling me I was safe. Was I? Would I ever be safe? Unwounded? I couldn’t face the weight of these questions, Bri was doing an incredible job on putting me back to sleep…

  
  


***

“Rog, you gotta let me go, just for a while.” Brian said, trapped with my arms and legs around him, all the weight of my sleepy body on top of him.

“Don’t want to… ‘s warm here.” I sleep talked, only half awake. 

“I know… Too warm. And I don’t wanna wet the bed, untangle me just a little and I’ll be back soon…” he convinced me to move, just enough to let him go, I stole all the covers to myself while he was at the bathroom.

Minutes later, as promised, he was there with me again, warm and fresh breathed. 

“I love you, Bri” I rested my head on his shoulder and held him hostage again, now fully awake, but still lazy. 

“I love you, Rog...” he kissed the top of my head and I moved up enough to plant a kiss on his chin. 

After another nap, we both woke up well rested when the Sun was high in the sky. 

Brian looked hot, felt hot, his low voice hitting me with a sweet “good morning” and all the gratitude I felt for him taking care of me… I’m not good on many things, but I’m great at gratitude sex. Better than make up sex even… So, without hesitation, I started to show him my intentions.

“We have nothing to do all day…” I whispered, voice still raspier from the night.

“It’s good for a change…” he replied.

“And your body feels so good pressed against mine like this…”

“Yeah? Does it?” 

“So warm…” Lifting my body a little bit I kissed him slowly, claiming space inside his mouth and deepening the kiss and moving my hips so they could match his. I laid fully on top of him and he held me again, his arms around me making exactly what I wanted him too. 

“You have something planned, right?” he stopped the kiss to take a deep breath.

“Was I that obvious?”

“A little...” he smiled at me and I melted away in his arms.

“I want you, Bri… I want to feel you.”

He slid his hand down my underwear unceremoniously, taking his teasing time as seriously as I wanted it to be. 

“You’re so ready, Rog… So firm for me.” His fingers wrapped around my cock. “So thick…” I could feel my body heating up with his words. “Do you want me, love? I’m not sure if you want me this bad, maybe we should stop, what do you think?”

“Brian Harold May, don’t you fucking dare take your hands off me right now.” I said, moving my hips to the pace of his hand that started to stroke me. “I love this. I love you…”

He looked down at the space between us, glancing at his hand on my cock and the precum that started to spread at the head. Brian grinned at me provocatively, kissed the top of my nose and with the free hand and a little contortionism he reached out for the drawer on the bed stand that separated our beds, taking the lube and one condom out of the drawer.

“Smart boy…” I smiled at him, moaning sadly when his hand left my body.

I got up for a while, sitting by the edge of the bed, giving him space to adjust and free himself from his pajama bottom, taking my time to absorb the scene in front of me, naked Brian was definitely my favorite Brian. 

“Come take me…” I said, as I laid our clothes on the floor, turned my back to him and got on all fours. 

“What a sight, Rog, so deliciously inviting…” his best rough voice was still velvet-ish sounding to my ears. 

Brian got me from behind, teasingly playing with his hands on my hips and, taking a real long time to finally start stretching me up, the long index finger making its way in, causing that hint of pain I wanted so bad. I think I tensed up a little at the feeling inside, because I felt Brian hesitated to move, but he knows me well, and he knows how to give me time, and when to make a new move. I moaned playfully "What you're waiting for, Bri?" Willingly, with a beautiful grin on his face, he filled my neck and shoulders with kisses while he inserted a new finger, distracting me from the new wave of pain with sweet compliments and kisses.

“Move, Bri… Please.” I urged, feeling his obedient fingers spread inside, scissoring the stretch to the limits and reaching my prostate, feeling it once, twice, many times, taking out all of the little control I had left. 

"I'm ready…" I whispered. Looking back as he took a condom and prepared himself. "You're perfect, Bri. Perfect."

Brian's cock was firm up his low stomach, so hard I felt he was having problems to control his erection. As he got inside of me I thought he'd cum within seconds. 

"So tight, you feel so good, babe…"

Happily, I was wrong, and as he started to move inside me, heavy breaths and moans filling the room, I felt his body taking control again, increasing the pace of the pumps, one hand on my hips, while he reached out to my abandoned aching cock, moving his lubed hands up and down the length of it to the rhythm of the strokes inside of me, deep, almost violent and at the same time so caring in a way that only Brian could be.

Soon enough we both reached our climax, in his arms I allowed myself to get lost, only caring about his skin glued on mine and that intense wave of pleasure that took over me until we both were done. 

"That was…" I tried to say, laying with my belly down, feeling a not-heavy-enough Brian on top of me.

"Incredible…" he whispered in my ear, our sweaty bodies completely incapable of moving. "I love you… and I'll take care of you no matter what happens. You're safe, my love." He kissed the back of my neck and nodding off, leaving me alone with an enormous feeling of gratitude for all I had there, three loving boyfriends, a safe happy home and a career that was everything I could ask for… 

"I'm gonna leave college." I whispered, convinced of what I had to do.

"Are you sure, babe?!" He replied, proving my theory that Brian is always paying attention to everything, everytime, even when he shouldn't.

"Yes. I'm already a biologist. Now I can focus on my real calling…" I said, suddenly, fully awake.

"To be a rockstar?" He replied again, sounding adorably sleepy.

"Yes!! Will you support me?!" I asked.

"Always, Rog. No matter what…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After what seemed like FOREVER, no pun intended, here I am with a new chapter! Maybe the longest one I’ve written so far! Bare with me in this, I’m trying real hard to keep this up!  
> I hope you all like it, leave a kudo if you haven’t already, leave a comment, these things really make me happy!!  
> Thanks to all the sweet souls that helped me, encouragement in times like this is more priceless than any gold!  
> Thank to the sweetie @spacedust719! Go check out her work!!

I have a great immune system. Years of biology classes, years playing on the mud in my mom’s backyard, and let’s not talk about the late nights drumming shirtless under the worst conditions imaginable…

That being said, let’s talk about this weekend from hell when ALL MY BOYFRIENDS GOT SICK AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!

I woke up from a gig this past Friday with a shivering Freddie laid on the couch wrapped in a blanket groaning like an old dog. It was not our usual morning yet, considering it only starts around 10 am on weekends.

“Can’t sleep? It’s only 8 am.” I questioned, sitting by his side on the couch and checking his forehead with the back of my hand. “Fred, you’re burning!”

“My throat is killing me, darling…” he whispered weakly, I only fully understood ‘cause I could read his lips.

“I’m gonna make you a cuppa. Tea makes everything better…” he nodded and I walked to the kitchen to start a super early breakfast.

When I was almost done with the boiling water Deacy arrived in the kitchen looking like he hadn't slept at all last night.

“Do we still have any aspirin left?” he asked, eyes closed and fingers pressing the sides of his head.

“Hungover?”

“Worse. I think I have a migraine…” he said, pointing to his squinted eyes, barely opened. “My head is killing me…”  _ Oh well…  _

“Go back to bed, I’ll bring you tea and aspirin in a few minutes…”

“Thank you, Rog.” he turned around and went back to his room while I poured the tea, first to Freddie who was still groaning his miseries on the couch. 

“I’m never gonna sing again…” Freddie cried dramatically.

“No way, Freddie… you just stretched a little harder yesterday, you just need to rest your voice for a couple of days and it’ll be like brand new for the next concert.”

“I hope you’re right, my dear, otherwise we’re fucked…” Freddie grunted, far from his usual powerful voice. 

“We’re not fucked. You need a good rest… Go back to your room, finish your tea and cuddle Deacy who also needs a good rest. I’ll be there soon to collect the mugs.”

“Thank you, love…” He got up and I enveloped him with the blanket, careful to not let it around his feet and also give him enough freedom to hold his tea with both hands.

“So warm…” I heard him say before reaching his bedroom door. 

Soon I was there with Deacon’s mug of tea and a toast just for him. Later I’d have to think about something more suited to Freddie’s poor throat, but I knew he’d take a little more to feel hungry.

So far I had two sick babies, and I prayed to the mercy of the gods nothing would change to the worse so I could make myself a cup of tea and make some toasts for myself and Brian to when he’d wake up. 

When I had drunk my tea and ate two of the toasts with butter there was a noise coming from the bathroom. 

“Deacy?” I called, knowing the full effects of a migraine. 

“Not me, not Freddie as well, he is sleeping…” He replied from his room.

“Oh, Brian…” I said, running to the bathroom just before I heard him emptying his weak stomach on the toilet. “Unblock the door so I can help you, love…” I asked, imagining his tallness was the reason I couldn’t open the unlocked door. I heard him moving and soon the door opened by itself. 

The poor soul was crouched over the toilet holding his hair back with one hand and holding on for dear life with the other, face covered in sweat and tears that he couldn't hold. "Roger, please…"

"What do you want, Bri? I'm here for you…" I kneeled down beside him, holding his hair and cleaning his face with some wet toilet paper. "Do you want to go back to bed? Can you stand up for me, love?" 

"I think I can try now…" Brian replied, resting his head on my shoulder while I tried my best to get up without losing the balance and letting him fall. 

We got up with some difficulties, Brian's thin body was shaking from head to toe and I had a hard time making him move slowly towards our room.

"Sit on the chair while I get you some extra blankets, love…" I patiently asked. He sat completely worn out and although I knew he'd have to eat something soon, I allowed him to sleep first, it wouldn't change much anyway.

"Stay here, please?" He asked, almost dozing off. How could I resist?? I laid beside him on the bed and set the alarm for 30 minutes since I had to go fetch us something to eat for lunch.

When the alarm came off I left the bed carefully, tip-toeing out of the room. It was hard to see poor Bri so weak, but someone had to take care of the house.

Out of our room, I spied Freddie and Deacy from the door, they were sleeping peacefully, snuggled up with each other, not a single care in the world…

The kitchen was cleaned up in about ten minutes, the bathroom was cleaned in about 20. It was a miracle I could work that fast without music, but I had to be respectful, my boys needed nurse/housekeeper Taylor more than I needed Hendrix.

After the flat was squeaky clean, I went to get us something to eat at the cheap restaurant down the street. The weather was about to make a crazy turn with all the heavy clouds parked in a scary shade of bluish-gray, and the streets smelled like fresh grass ready to be soaked. I rushed to the restaurant trying to avoid the rain and placed my order to the hot brunette waitress that had a serious crush on Deacy.

A vegan soup for Brian, two servings of fish and chips (with extra chips) for me and Deacy and chicken soup for Freddie, all boiling hot and ready for lunch. I paid and carefully walked back home with all the meals safe from my stubbornness.

Heading back home I set the table for all of us and went to check on the boys. Bri was still asleep, holding tightly the extra pillow I left there, that probably smelled like me.

_ Poor man, I haven't washed my hair in a couple of days… _ I thought, but he didn't seem to care, he looked happy holding the old smelly thing like it was a big teddy bear. 

In the other room, Freddie was half-awake only, playing carefully with John's hair, the younger one with his head rested on Freddie's chest. I decided to let them rest a little bit more while I took a shower, then we all could have our meals together. 

From the bathroom I could hear Brian's snores, that was probably the only time he'd allow himself to be the loudest one in the house. I took a fast shower, mostly because I wanted to be available if they needed me, went back to the bedroom and dried up my body fast, getting ready just in time for Bri to start shaking again in the bed. 

He had two blankets over him, but I thought it was better to add another one. Whatever he was feeling, sweating the sickness away was always a good option.

"I bought you some soup, are you hungry?" I asked a sleepy shaky figure wrapped inside the blankets. 

"Can't eat. 'm tired…" the figure murmured back to me.

"Ok. Call me if you need anything, you got it?"

"I love…" he didn't get to finish before dozing off again.

"I'll take that as a yes…" I replied, leaving the room, keeping the door open so I could check up on him more carefully.

Heading back to the kitchen, miraculously I still had 4 hot meals waiting there, so I went back to the hall and called Deacy and Freddie.

"Deacs, Fred, I have fish and chips and a delicious chicken soup waiting for the two of you…" I said, my voice going barely above a whisper. "Do you want me to bring it all here?" 

"We'll be up in a bit, darling, thank you…" Freddie whispered back, his voice sounding raspier than mine with the effort. He coughed a few times, which made Deacy get up a little scared. 

"I'll be in the kitchen…" I said, already starving.

*

Deacy was the first to arrive, still looking defeated, he kissed my lips and sat in front of me on the table. 

"These chips look great…" he said. I served him a glass of wine that was not so cold anymore and he took the first sip. "Thank you, love… you did a great job here…"

"It wasn't much… I wish I could afford to take better care of you…” I said, leaning for one more sweet kiss. "Are you feeling better?" 

"The pain is still a strong 6, but hopefully it'll be better by tonight." John answered, occupying himself with his full plate for a while. "Oh, are we still doing movie night?? It's Brian's time to pick the movie…" he added, questioning his boyfriend's state.

"Only if he feels up to… I still don't know what he had, but I believe he'll be up soon.

Freddie arrived just in time, thinking we were talking about him.

"I'm up already, don't need to worry." He grunted, looking annoyed with his own voice.

"We were discussing the movie night. It's Brian's turn today…" I said, serving him his wine and the bowl of soup. "See if you need me to re-heat it, ok?"

"Oh, don't bother, darling, my throat wouldn’t accept anything too hot anyway…" Freddie took a full spoon of the soup that was not so hot like before but didn't complain, the only unpleasant thing about eating the soup was his throat hurting and making the simple task extra difficult. "It is as good as it can be, honey. I'm so grateful!" He cupped one side of my face with one hand and blew me a kiss when our eyes met. 

"Rent is due tomorrow…" Deacy reminded us. "The money is under the penguin on the top of the fridge."

"Thank you, Deacy… The landlady must be coming over soon, I'll give it to her. How's your meal?"

"Perfect, Rog. You always know what I like…" he touched my hand fondly.

"That's because you're basically the same…" Freddie affirmed, making us smile with his new Berry White kind of voice. "Ying-Yang, but less round and sexier…"

After lunch they went back to bed while I washed the dishes and saved the leftovers for dinner tonight. I had another glass of wine as the silence filled the flat. I watched some shit show on the telly with almost no volume (and no real interest) and laid on the couch, taking the time to enjoy a quick nap with the sound of the rain taking over the place. Only a few hours later something woke me up, it took me a couple of lazy minutes to see it was Deacy sitting on the couch with my feet on his lap, giving me a very soft foot massage. 

"Can't sleep?" I asked lazily, opening my eyes.

"Freddie is coughing too much, he just took another pill for his throat, that one his mom brought a few months ago, but I don't think it's working." 

"Those are strong ginger pills, give it a few more hours, it'll work," I affirmed, thanking God for momma Jer's kindness. "Have you checked on Bri?" 

"Sleeping like a rock, snoring like a tractor. But last time I checked he didn't look bad…" just when Deacy had said that Brian appeared on the hallway, rushing to the bathroom. A few seconds later we heard him vomiting again…

"But he hasn't eaten yet, how come?!" Deacy wondered, with worried eyes.

"Something he ate yesterday is still on his system. He drove us back home, so it’s definitely not a hangover… I'll take care of him, you can heat up the soup for him, please?” I asked. “The vision of Bri dry heaving on the toilet is not something you want on your mind…"

And I was right, when I got to the bathroom Bri looked like he was part of a horror show. 

"Ok, I'm here now. I got you." I said, kneeling down beside him, holding his hair. "You're gonna be alright. You're doing great, let it all out…" he stopped for a second, tired beyond belief, just to look at me with big puppy eyes, those you can only find among the trash cans in the streets. 

I got my shirt off and offered that to him so he could clean up a little. 

“I’m hungry, and terrified of eating, all at once.” he said. 

“I got you a great soup of veggies, all that you like…” I tried to sound convincing, even though that soup was not my favorite...

“Good… I’m gonna give it a try… soon”

“Ready to get up?” I said, with my hands around the back of his hips, waiting for him to nod firmly and push his body up, almost falling on his wobbly legs, I stood vigilantly behind him when he got to the front of the sink, wincing at his reflection on the mirror. 

“God, I look trashed…” he murmured in the lowest tone possible. 

“You don’t even look that bad, Brimi…” I kissed his cheek and held him from behind. 

“I think I want to have a long shower....” he whispered.

“A long shower, Roger Taylor style coming your way, sir… Sit on the toilet and take your clothes off, I’ll be back soon with your towel and undies…” 

*** 

“The soup is almost done…” Deacy said when I went to quickly check upon him. “Love you!”

“Love you!” I replied, towels in hands, going back to the bathroom to look after Brian. 

"I'm back, do you need something else?" Bri was already up, naked, hands on the wall to straight-up himself with no help. "Careful, Bri, you don't want to fall down, ok?" I held his hand, leaving the towel and clean underwear safe on the holder. 

"Just stay around, I think I can handle this…"

He did, and he was doing great when I left him on his own until he had to wash those unruly curls of his.

"Do you need any help?" I offered, lifting my eyes from the flip-flops on the floor. 

"That'd be nice…" 

"Shampoo…" I spread the palm of my hands to him to put the right amount of shampoo he wanted me to use and after he meticulously splashed just a tiny amount of that in my hands I started working for my hands on his hair.

I was doing a regular clean up, no big deal, really. But apparently, to Brian that was heaven… he started letting out soft moans, "ohs" and directions like "There, angel, this way…" and I ended up my work before that became something sexual, because deep down I was enjoying that just as much as him. 

I'm not the kind of nurse who has shower sex with his patients, you know? (Not when they are this sick anyways…)

"I think you're ready to go…" I said, finishing my job and stepping back a little to give him time to recompose.

**

Soon we were back at the bedroom, Brian sat at his bed for a while wearing the black pajamas I gave him last Christmas and a towel wrapped around his head like a fluffy turbant. 

"You look so comfy…" I kissed his lips before getting out of the way so he could leave the bed.

"Yeah, but I'm still hungry… Are you sure it's safe for me to eat?" He asked cautiously.

"If a veggie soup makes you feel sick again, it's proof that veggies are bad, and for that case I'll give you beef!” I smirked, playfully trying to take some of the grumpiness out of him.

***

“Right on time, soup is warm and ready for you, Bri.” John announced when we arrived back in the kitchen. 

Instead of a regular “thank you”, Deacy got a little kiss, the sweetest scene on that twisted day. 

“Don’t thank me, Rog did all the hard work today, got us food and kept the flat as clean as it can be…”

“So, all of us came down with something then??” Brian teased me, putting the back of his free hand on my forehead. 

“Ha ha ha, very funny, doctor May. Do you want to wash your dirty clothes today? I am not looking forward to all the sweat and fluids on those…” I reminded him of the bedsheets and clothes he messed up only that morning.

“Oops, I better behave… Love you, Rog.” he blew me a kiss. 

“Yeah, keep eating your healthy bowl of veggies, GOOD BOY!” I teased one last time, pinching his thin cheeks before going to check on Freddie. 

“Freddie, love, are you alright?” I whispered, tiptoeing in the dark until I got to his side of the room. 

“Darling, I feel awful....” he whispered back, on something that not in a million years would resemble the strength of his voice. 

"Took the pills?" I said, kneeling up the bed and sitting on Deacy's side..

"Yes. I've done all the good stuff…" Freddie replied with a low painful cry.

"Your glass of water is still here, why don't you finish it for me, love?" I said, pushing him close to me as tight as I could so I could reach the glass on the bedside table. "Do it now, please?” I asked. He gulped the water like he was swallowing ice cubes, wincing and gagging every once in a while

“Done, and I hate you!” He handed me the empty glass and turned to the other side, going back to under the covers sighing heavily.

“Love you…” I said, sitting with my back to the headboard waiting for him to fall asleep. 

“I still want movie night…” he murmured to himself, dozing off, laid on his belly.

I doubted that was going to happen, considering the unusual circumstances…

When the evening arrived the rain started to pour angrily outside, Bri and Deacy were having a quick nap together and I went back to the kitchen to put the kettle on again to prepare our traditional tea-before cuddles. 

Brian came back to the living room looking more alive, which was great news… He entered the kitchen with a smile on his face that warmed my heart. “Deacy worked his magic on you, I presume…” he smelled like clean sex, my favorite scent. 

“I guess he did, I feel more alive, uh... I don’t know…” he responded to me, pink cheeks from the embarrassment. I wonder when will Brian leave the shyness behind when it comes to sex. But maybe it’s exactly what makes him so perfect, one of us had to have a controlled libido.

Deacy came out of his room a few minutes later, looking rather proud of himself and smelling just like Brian, both irresistible.

“Tea is ready… Anyone want biscuits?” I offered, getting the jar from the top of the fridge and putting it at the center of the table. Freddie showed up just a few minutes after I served them the tea, holding a paper with both hands like a sign. 

As soon as the three of us could read the sign we started to laugh… Well, I know I started 

It read: “Can’t grace your ears with my voice anymore, be kind to me, I might have to leave the band…” accompanied with a sad face that begged for some pity.

“What in the name of God, Freddie?” Brian said, his face all red from holding the urge to laugh with all his strength. 

“IT’S TRUE, I’M RUINED!!” He wrote on the back of the paper, he was on the verge of tears. 

“Ooooh Fred, come here... “ I took pity on him and went to meet him, wrapping him in a hug that he initially refused. “You’ll always be our Queen, no one is replacing you, it’s impossible…” 

“Our next concert is in ten days, you have plenty of time to recover…” Deacy pondered, joining our hug while Freddie cried, leaving wet patterns of tears on my shoulder. I looked at my sad poodle abandoned on his chair and signed to Brian to come wrap us on his long arms. “You’re gonna be ok. All of you…” I whispered, almost losing my breath inside of that supersized display of affection. 

“I love you!” 

We stood there for a few silent seconds, just absorbing each other’s scents until Freddie let go of me with questioning eyes, quickly we were back to the table. Freddie kept analyzing us for a few seconds before he got a paper napkin and wrote: “You bitches smell like sex! (Not that I’m complaining or judging…)”

The three of us bursted into laughter, hysterical laughter. Even Brian, who was awkwardly shy when that was the subject, almost fell off his chair with his hands on his still sore belly. 

“Well, all I know it’s that it wasn’t me…” I said, a couple of minutes later, trying to regain some control over myself. “To be honest, it’s been about three days that I don’t get laid, I’m starting to forget what it feels like..”

“So it was between the Giant and the Lamb… Good, I need details!!” Freddie made another napkin-note. 

Seeing Brian and Deacy blushing that hard only made the situation funnier, even Freddie forgot about his sore throat and started to laugh uncontrollably.

“Ok, enough…” I said, collecting the mugs from the table and putting them on the sink. “Deacy, love, get the blankets, Bri, get those big cushions in our wardrobe, please?” I ordered, nicely and bossly at the same time. Someone in this flat was desperate for cuddles and warmth. And by someone, I meant ME! 

Less than half an hour later, which is considered a short time for us, we were piled in pairs Freddie and Deacy on the couch, Brian and I were sharing an old mattress on the floor that once belonged to Tim.

Brian kept me warm while we’re both wrapped in blankets, he was feeling much better, but still had to regain some energy before we could make out again, so I was happy with the kisses carefully planted on my neck and both my shoulders. 

On the couch, Freddie and Deacy quickly fell asleep under the covers, Deacy spooning Freddie, holding hands peacefully to the sound of the rain and some soft snores… I wish I had the camera in hands on moments like that. 

**

The other day I woke up with a bang on the door. The landlady, a short gray haired woman with a voice ten times raspier than mine and a non-existent patience came to collect the rent money.

“Just a minute, Miss Janette. I’m going.” I said, stumbling my way to the kitchen to get the money, careful not to disturb my sleeping beauties. "Here's your money!" I said when I opened the door, giving her the envelope. Now we were officially a few hundred pounds poorer… 

"Oh, good morning, young man. Did you lose your shirt?" She asked, staring at my naked torso.

"No, miss. I'm gonna grab it soon, don't worry…" I affirmed, shyly. 

"If you need, my dear Alfred left some male shirts when he moved to America. It can be good use for you and your… Friends, I guess?" the short woman eyed me from head to toe with a disapproving look, then she turned away and left for her first victim next door. 

"We have enough clothes for each of us, don't worry ma’am." I said, closing the door and going back to my place beside Brian. 

"What was that?" Brian murmured lazily, not opening his eyes. 

"Miss Janette. The rent is paid…" I laid beside Brian, gently resting my head on his shoulder.

"Oh, great… thank you, love." he kissed my cheek and pulled me closer to him. Soon my head was on his chest again, his fingers lazily drawing traces on my back.  _ Hearts _ , he was tracing hearts, I recognized. 

"Are you feeling better today?" I asked, my eyes searching for his, he opened them slowly, clearly looking more alive than yesterday. "Mhum… I think I am…" came the answer, together with a soft touch of his lips on my forehead.

"Good…" I snuggled closer, pressing my body on his, seeking some warmth.

Deacy and Freddie woke up minutes later, ruining my plans of going back to sleep right there. 

We all shared kisses and went back to our bedrooms, Freddie still had a sore throat and Deacy still needed an aspirin to start the day, but they’d be fine at some point.

Lazy Sunday mornings were my favorite thing. Brian and I showered together ‘cause I wanted him to wash my hair with those enormous fingers, then we all met again in the kitchen for pancakes and coffee. 

Freddie was finishing up a stack of fresh pancakes and setting the table when Brian and I arrived in the kitchen. 

“No more sickness in this household, okay?” I half asked, half pleaded. “I hate to see any of you in pain…” 

“I’ve accepted my fate… Not singing forever!” Freddie dramatically mouthed in my direction. 

“Like this is even possible… You’ll be fine in a couple of days.” Brian gave him a hug and a tender kiss. “What about you, Deacs?” 

“I’m gonna do like Rog and wear sunglasses forever. But it’s alright…” John replied, stuffing his mouth with pancakes.

“Maybe if I give you a massage later it might help you, what do you think?” I offered. 

“That’d be amazing, Rog…” he replied. “The pain is a strong 7 now, so I will accept all help I can get..” 

“I need a smoke before I start anything else, so I’m going downstairs for a couple of minutes, ok?” I cleaned the table and got my pack of cigars from the kitchen counter. 

“I still don’t understand why you need that, seriously…” Brian ruffled.

“Me either, but It really lights up my mood, I’ll be a better boyfriend after a smoke. Anyone need anything from the newsstand??” I grabbed a coat from the coat rack, something big and warm that probably belonged to Freddie and went towards the door.

“Stamps…” Deacy shouted from his room “Gotta send my mom a letter, cause her phone is broken…” 

“Noted.” I closed the door.

The only one that didn’t smoke was Brian, and he had to remind me that he hates cigarettes every single day… Probably because it reminds him of his father’s voice, and although he loves his old man, they haven’t had the best of relationships since we got together… I don’t blame the man, Brian’s life was in a completely different direction before he met my unruly soul… 

I finished my first cig in only a few drags and went to the newsstand across the street, where the lonely chinese grandpa gave me a strong handshake and let me choose some pretty stamps for Deacy, his mother deserved the best.

Back to the flat, Freddie and Brian had cleaned up the kitchen and were now lazily watching the morning news, Freddie enjoying the warmth of Bri’s firm embrace. 

“Get a room, the two of you!” I scoffed. 

“Oh come on… You should be joining us, Rog. It’s cold, and we have nothing better to do…”

“I’m a busy man… Well, at least my hands will be busy. Where’s Deacy? I promised a massage, gotta keep my promises.”

“My bed.” Freddie mouthed. “And what happens if I need a massage too?” Freddie groaned, still too weak to use his voice. 

“Brian gives heavenly backrubs, enjoy yourselves…” I smirked, looking at my shy Brian turning red. “And don’t get the couch dirty…” I turned away, walking through the corridor to their room.

The lights were off. Deacy was a poor ball wrapped in a fetal position on the corner of the bed. 

“Please, for the love of everything that is holy, do not turn on the lights.” John begged, only illuminated by the light on the corridor. 

“Ok, I can work in the dark. Let me just grab one of Freddie’s oils from the nightstand and I’ll be by your side…” I said, whispering softly to sooth his mind. “Take your shirt off and straighten up a little, love… Belly down.”

John did as I asked, stretching up a little before laying down.

“I’m never drinking coffee again… Should’ve chosen the tea you brought from your mom last christmas…” he cried. 

“Remember that next time, but now I need you to relax, love… This is gonna be a little cold in the beginning, but I’ll warm it up, ok?” he nodded in response and I spread a little bit of the oil on his back. I sat down beside him, on my knees. He winced when he felt the cold oil, but the smell that invaded the room made both of us relax instantly. I started working, firm hands pressing the knots on both his shoulders, feeling his muscles change with every touch. "Oh Rog…" he whispered softly, melting away. "This is so good, so good…" I loved to hear the praise coming from his confused mind, he was struggling to find the words. "I'm so glad you like it, Deacs…" I whispered in his ear, intensifying the strength of the massage on his lower back. I felt him starting to tense on the right spots from intense arousal, and that was my sign that my work was done. I kissed his forehead and tiptoed my way out of the room, not even an hour after coming in, leaving behind a very relaxed and happy man enjoying the after taste of an orgasm. "Have a good day, love…" I said, looking at his face glued to the pillow, a soft noise of his steady breath coming out.

Heading back to the living room it was almost time to start working on lunch.

"Any special requests for lunch? Think I'm gonna get it from the same place as yesterday…" I announced to Brian and Freddie, that were still on the couch.

“Can we afford another take away?” Brain questioned. “There’s a long month ahead and we just paid rent…”

“My treat… I still have some from the gig with Tim…” I blinked at Brian.

“In this case, there’s a new place behind that one you bought the soups yesterday, my darling, and they make a delicious shepherd pie, Mary took me there a few days ago…” Freddie suggested weakly. 

“I’m good with another soup, babe…” 

“Ok, let’s see... “ I said, wearing Freddie’s coat again, preparing myself to leave the house. “3 pies for 2, 2 soups for 2 and Fish and Chips enough for everyone, correct?” 

“I think that’s all… Thank you, love, for bravering the world for us…” Brian said, lifting from the couch to give me a kiss.

“It’s not free, ya’ know?” I smirked. “After you all get better I wanna be pampered. Even more, I wanna be praised!” I said, flicking my hair and grabbing the keys.

“We’ll see what we can do about that…” Freddie said, blowing me a kiss while I left the room. 

The trip to the restaurant was fast, the new place was some sort of fancy-cheap diner, Freddie’s kind of place, where people can enjoy a good meal and peacefully talk with some mates on their lunch break. Good atmosphere and a delicious scent of mixed british cuisine.

I placed my order and the young lady that attended me disappeared to the kitchen. “Small staff, got it…” I thought to myself, sitting by the counter while waiting. It was around 11:20, so I had some time. The girl came back a few minutes later

“Sir, your order will just take a few more minutes. Do you want something else while you wait? Maybe a pint?”

“That’d be great, thank you…” I said, using my best flirty smile, something that came out spontaneously when I was alone. 

She gave me the pint of lager and I savoured it slowly with the free green peanuts, Brian would be pissed if he knew I was having a cold one before lunch. 

About two pints later, the food was ready and packed, and I could pay and leave. 

Back in the warmth of our flat, Freddie and Brian helped me carry the bags inside and set the table, it was a proper banquet made for real kings… Or Queens.

“Whose birthday is it today? Can’t believe I slept that much that made me miss anything…” Deacy showed up at the door of the kitchen with a slightly swollen face and some pillow marks, yawning and stretching up like a lazy cat… 

“Rog is feeling generous, and bought all the food by himself!” Brian proclaimed. 

“Oh, thank you Rog, are you feeling alright?”

“What? A man can’t spoil his three lovers once in a blue moon without a reason?” I argued. “Brian probably got sick because of all the crappy food we have before the gigs, I’m just being careful…” 

“And we appreciate that, love, don’t worry. You can spoil me whenever you want…” Freddie said. Did I mention his voice was not getting better?? Well, it wasn’t, but damn, it was sexier… I sat beside him and gave him a kiss. 

“These are amazing, Rog, thank you for thinking about us…”

“Bon appetit, gentlemen.” John said, sitting between me and Brian. 

After lunch Freddie took over the kitchen cleaning the whole thing by himself while Deacy and I took some time for ourselves on the couch and Brian engaged in reading his favorite professor’s new book. But when I was almost dozing off with Deacy braiding my hair, Bri looked at us with scared eyes and ran to the bathroom. Apparently his stomach was not so happy with all the food he had… 

“Bri, I’m coming in, don’t block the door, okay?” I said, already on my way to rescue him. “Deacs, get him a glass of water, please?” With a towel in hands and a pounding heart, I got inside the bathroom to find Brian, his reddened face had some marks on it, something resembling an allergy reaction, just like the first time, but I only paid attention at that moment. “Brian, do you have any allergies you didn’t mention?” I said softly, giving him time to both process the question and finish emptying his stomach on the toilet, being careful to tie his hair on a ponytail with my wristband. 

“Peanuts, that’s why I always leave them all to Deacy, he loves them…” he said, wiping his mouth with the small towel I gave him. “It was never bad, just a scratchy throat tho…”

Well, it seemed I had a clue on what was troubling him now… 

“I tasted peanuts on that broth soup you had before our gig, remember I got a take? and the girl in the restaurant asked if I minded peanuts on the vegan shepherd I got today, and I said yes…” I was covered in guilt. I’ve been feeding peanuts for this man for fucking ages, I seriously could have killed him. “Water, you need it…” I said, stepping back a little on our tiny bathroom to go get him a glass of water. Deacy was right behind me already, holding the glass and half a lemon. 

“My mom said it helps a lot to clean the way…” Deacy said, sounding a little guilty as well. I’ve been feeding Brian the damn peanuts, but Deacy is the one that throws them at him…

“Bri, I never knew you always left the peanuts for me ‘cause you’re allergic…” Deacs said while Brian gulped the water like it had tiny stones on it. “I thought you simply didn’t like them…” 

“S’alright, Deacs, Now we know…No more peanut war as well!” I said, more of the water, now with drops of lemon. 

With Brian back on his bed I went to clean the bathroom again, just to make it as fresh as it could be for a flat shared by men. Deacy helped me for a while, brushing the tiles of the walls until they were snow white again, but then he got distracted with Freddie’s attempt on singing. 

“Shouldn’t he rest his voice instead of forcing it?” he asked me. 

“Go tell him, Freddie never obeys the rules…” I replied. “I don’t want anyone complaining of a sore throat in this place!” I shouted loud enough for Freddie to hear me. 

**   
  


By the beginning of the evening everything was in peace again. Deacy and Freddie shared a blanket on the couch and were trying to get the right answers to a word-puzzles show. 

“It’s Antidote, idiot, just say it…” John said, for the third time, to the tv contestant, a little annoyed already…

“Not everyone knows the dictionary by heart like you and Brian, love, cut him a slack…” Freddie said, snuggling closer to make himself comfortable. 

“Okay, sorry, I have to be more patient…” John said, relaxing his muscles and rubbing himself gently on Freddie under the covers. 

In the kitchen I tried to make Brian drink more than only coffee.

“One glass of orange juice and I promise to leave you alone the rest of the night!” 

“Who said I want to be left alone?” He teased me, as seductively as a sleepy, needy poodle. 

“Oh, good to know then, ‘cause I don’t wanna be left alone either…” I kissed him, initially it was soft, ‘cause I didn’t want him to feel sick again, and a wave of can be a lot to handle when in recovery, but he had different plans and deepened the kiss, increasing the intensity of it. I had my arms around him and his arms around me, it felt so perfect to melt into his kiss, my exhausted brain getting turned on just enough to keep the heat between us. 

“Get a room!!” John said, from the room, laughing at us. 

Brian broke the kiss for a second, looking at me and then at the couple on the couch with a mischievous grin… “It’s not a bad idea…” he whispered. “In fact, we all should go inside, to have our time together properly…” he suggested, knowing we all would accept. I didn’t know if those were the meds for allergy talking, or a wave of courage after our kiss, but I had to admit I loved all that initiative coming from Bri…

“We all owe a certain someone a good pampering session anyways, right?” Freddie agreed, smiling teasingly at me.

“To our room, now!” Deacy demanded. “Freddie’s bed, all of you…”

“What about your headache, Deacs…” I joked. 

“To hell with it, I have the cure for it right here…” he replied, coming right behind me, giving my butt a light squeeze. 

“No screaming for you this time, Fred...” Brain teased Freddie and his aching throat, that was only a bit better. 

“Can’t promise nothing, my dear…” Freddie smiled at Brian. 

I yawned a little when we reached the room together, my sleepy body, although still wide awake, trying hard not to give in to tiredness. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll not have to work now, okay?” Brian said, kissing me again and helping me get rid of my shirt. No sickness, no pain, they were all fine again, as strong as they could be considering the whole weekend, and that was enough for me.

Maybe that was all we needed to do from the beginning, to get together for real, glued at each other, breathing in each other’s scents, feeling every nerve of our bodies act in synchrony. My exhaustion was washed away with their kisses and their hands moving all over me, nothing too intense, just a lot of love flowing through us, healing our bodies and souls, our little teaser of what heaven might be like… Or what I’d want it to be like, if there’s one anyway… 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger’s first day on the big city...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a part 2 of this??   
> Probably, I’ll just keep on writing from this until I have the whole idea out of my head, if you like this, there’ll be a new update next week... if not, there’ll be a complete new thing in about two weeks.   
> I like this, tried to make it soft, short and sweet. I hope you all enjoy it...  
> Kudos and comments make my world go round...

Things were pretty bad when I left my mom’s house, like really bad. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, I had only a college application signed and that was it, no money in my wallet. Honestly, I couldn’t even afford to have a wallet in the first place.

And since mom couldn’t even look me in the eyes at the time, I just left. Guided by anger and equipped with a bag with my clothes and documents, this diary, and a train ticket to London, bought with the money borrowed from my little sister. There, I would have to figure out how to survive…

London was different from the countryside, there were no animals waking you up at the wee hours of the day, before the sunrise, the centre of the city had a different scent of smoke from the cars, and old papers, oh, and rain. Lots of rain. It was raining cats and dogs when I got there, making my way to the university a lot more complicated. I had the address, but it didn’t stop me from getting lost a couple of blocks away from the enormous building, that was in fact quite obvious to find. 

I made my way to the admissions’s department with all I had, a pretty face, anger and courage, knowing they’d have a spot from me with my amazing grades from High School, but still clueless about all the rest, I couldn’t afford a place on the campus, it was designed to the rich kids. 

As soon as I had that settled and a full schedule of classes starting in two weeks, I needed to fix my homelessnes issue, so I went flat hunting on the university’s mural, sharing the expenses to a place was not a bad idea, and I was not in condition to be a picky flatmate. 

There were plenty of options, all broke students in need of flatmates to share the bills with, and of course I couldn’t get to the real nice options, only that one at Ferry Road, in Barnes, that was almost on full capacity according to the paper on the wall. 

When I got there, to present myself and see if there was already a chance for me to sleep there that night, I needed to talk with Tim Staffell, apparently he was the leader. 

Tim was a friendly bloke, working in construction at the time, getting ready to start his last semester of Graphic Design in a university near mine. There were 6 other people living there, it was a two bedroom house, two bathrooms, one for the boys and one for the girls, a garden that needed some work on it at the back and a garage, fully occupied by Tim’s van. 

The house was quiet, Tim explained two of his mates were sleeping, and the rest were on their halftime jobs, before college started. I told him about my situation and he told me not to worry about rent until the second month, that they had things figured out for the time and that I could move in right away, which I enthusiastically did, surprised by the little time it took me to make things happen, it was a great start. 

As the afternoon rolled, me and Tim had a good chat, knowing each other a lot better and discovering a few things in common, like the passion for music. Tim is a bass player and percussionist, he has this duo with this bloke named Brian, who also lives here, a smart one that studies astronomy and, according to Tim, knows all Hendrix songs by heart, I’d have to check on that…

Tim made us tea and presented me to the two flatmates that woke up from their slumber, Pat and John, I could smell sex, so I think they had a good time, but I decided to make no remarks on that, I didn’t want to be rude on my first day there. The young couple were also artists, studying at the same uni as Tim. 

Later, when evening started to rise, people started coming, first Brian, a tall, skinny and shy figure, with the softest voice I’ve ever heard, a sweet pair of brown eyes and a wild head of short curls, he explained right away that he was letting his hair grow naturally after years of trying to straightening it, like he was apologizing for being like that. No one should never apologize for their looks, especially when they look that good… Unfortunately, Brian said he had some books to read and ran to his bedroom, I really wanted to talk to him a bit more, but I figured we’d have another chances...

Denise, is different, a brown haired talkative lady that worked as a waitress at a café near Kensington. In around five minutes she told me everything about her, and I didn’t make a single question, that girl almost made me dizzy. 

We were all ready to get something to eat when the last one of my new flatmates arrived… 

His name is Farrokh, Tim told me that earlier, but he presented himself as Freddie, so I went with it… He is charming and flirty, voice a little shy at the beginning, but it changed while he talked about his job as an illustrator of children’s school books, a job that he is not happy about, and judging by what he said, I can’t blame him.

Freddie is different from anyone I ever met, he exhales freedom and kindness, and that combined with the looks of a strong figure, that instantly clicked with what I was looking for in London. From the first looks on, he took me under his wing as a little brother and we became friends then and there. 

Tim and Pat made us something to eat, nothing fancy, rice and eggs with a salad, and after the meal we all got together on the back, where they had two round tables with four chairs each. 

“It seems like you’re the last piece of the puzzle, Rog… Can I call you Rog? Roger is too formal, we’re roommates now.” Freddie shot the words, barely giving me time to adjust in my chair. 

“Are we?” I asked, we haven’t discussed sleeping arrangements yet, but who was I to complain…

“We are, you, Brian, Pat and myself, that is the only room with a bed left, I hope you don’t mind…” He said, giving me one of the beers Denise and John brought from the kitchen. “Wait, are you allowed to drink? How old are you, child?” Freddie took the beer from my hands before I had the chance to open it. 

“Just turned 18, 2 weeks ago.” I replied, getting the beer back from his hand. 

“Good, Jesus, you look 12, for a second I thought we’d have to raise you as our own…” Freddie laughed, and I loved the sound it made… I blushed like I was indeed 12 years old, but instead of finding it insulting, I felt protected, that was definitely a first…

Brian then showed me our bedroom, it was big, if only occupied by one person, but we are four. Freddie’s bed was on the left side, a junction of cushions in an indian style perfectly tidy up, Brian’s bed on the right, close to the door, a mess of blankets and pillows all in dark blue.

“It helps me sleep at night…” he explained. “The room gets too bright sometimes…” 

And in the back there were one bed, that I presumed it belonged to Pat, right beside the wardrobe we would all have to share

“So, where am I going to sleep?” I asked, not trying to sound left out or confused.

“Under my bed there’s one of those hidden ones, the mattress is equally good to mine, dear, I hope you’re okay with that…” Freddie said, reading the confusion in my mind. 

Brian took the front and went to Freddie’s bed, pulling out the hidden bed from under it, placing it in the middle of the room. 

“Here it is!” Freddie said. “Test it out, see if you like it… We can always exchange, I would not mind a bit…” Freddie gestured for me to move out of the doorway and actually get into the room, he stood beside the bed, that was a little bit more than a mattress on the floor (with wheels) and invited me to take a sit, which I did, with a little hesitation. 

It wasn’t bad, in fact, as I was a short guy, that could work really well, specially ‘cause I can literally sleep everywhere, even standing if I have to. Truth is, with no money for the rent, no job and no chance of going back to my mom’s house even if that was my only option, I’d have to make this work, with or without any help. I was fortunate to find these nice people on the first try, couldn’t be a fuckhead and blow it off…

“It is pretty comfortable, actually, I can wait to crash here later…” I said, smiling to Freddie and thanking Brian.

“Awesome, darling. I bought bed sheets and blankets from my mom last week, it will be my welcome gift to you, Rog…” Freddie smiled back, getting a few things for the bed on the top of the wardrobe and placing them himself, soon my bed was perfectly done.

“Are we all going to sleep now?” I said, feeling my aching bones starting to complain, but also wanting to go back to the conversations we were having in the garden.

“Only if you want to, my dear. We all have completely messed up sleep schedules, I’m not sleepy at all, we can go back to the garden if you want.” He said, probably not wanting to make me feel uncomfortable because he looked so tired. 

It was a little over 10pm, but when we got back to the garden, each by each most of our flatmates decided to leave. 

“Was it something I said or did?” I asked, murmuring into Freddie’s ears, only loud enough for Brian to hear, he was walking right behind us, like a body guard. 

“No, honey, don’t worry about that. With the semester beginning soon to most of us, everyone's a little tired, sit down here, we will keep you company…” Freddie said, sitting and pulling a chair close to him, tapping the seat as a sign for me to sit very close to him. “It’s getting cold.”

“I’m gonna get more beers and coats…” Brian offered, before he took a seat next to us. When he came back it was visible that Freddie and Brian had a good friendship going on, apparently, Freddie was the only one who could make Brian be a little less shy. He gave us our beers and Freddie’s coat and sat next to us, spreading a duvet over his long legs and then helping Freddie, who helped me until all of us had a shared cover over our legs, it was really cold outside and we needed to share the heat. 

Freddie forced Brian to talk about his project with Tim, a duo like McCartney and Lennon, voices and chords. Also, Freddie told me Brian built his own guitar from the fireplace at his parent’s house with the help of his father, they call it Red Special. Brian got burning red when I told him I’d love to see him play someday, I told him I am a drummer and Freddie said we could all have a jam session later that week. 

We all got fairly tipsy before Brian decided to go to bed, with the excuse he’d get the morning shift the next day, but he left the duvet, which Freddie tucked around himself and me carefully. 

“Now that Bri is gone I can have a smoke, and you can tell me what brought you to the big city. You don’t seem like you had plenty of time to plan this…” He said, lightening his cig and having a first drag from it. “God, I’ve been craving this since this morning. So…” he made another pause. “Are you a runaway? Not that I care, I’m with you no matter what you’re running from, just to be prepared…”

“Not a runaway, not a fugitive, just couldn’t live with my parents anymore… Or they couldn’t live with me…” I said, slowly realizing I gave up too much information. The atmosphere changed. Freddie was clearly tiptoeing on what to say next, but the silence reigned.   
  


“Take one… It’ll help you ease your mind.” Freddie offered, together with a lighter, I was secretly dying for a cigarette, but I thought it’d be impolite to ask for one.

We both finished our smokes in silence, building complicity from the ashes, I already trusted his warm figure. Freddie made me feel safe and comfortable with myself.

“They caught me… They caught me making out with a bandmate, and that started a war.” I said, uncovering enough of the bruise I had around my shoulders and neck, just enough for him to take a hint. I took a long gulp of my beer, swallowing the urge to cry that started to form down my throat.

“Under my watch, these will never happen again, Roggie…” He said, getting an arm around my neck. 

“Thank you, Freddie, but you don’t have to worry about me, seriously.” I said, trying my best to look rough. 

“I know you’re a big boy, darling, I know, but you don’t have to be alone to be tough, we can do it together…” Freddie offered me a hand, and the façade went down the hill, suddenly I went from not showing my feelings for 18 years, to crying on the arms of someone I met literally less than 3 hours ago. 

“Oh, shush, my dear, it’s alright, you’ll be alright… No one will hurt you here, and if someone tries to, just give me names and looks and I’m gonna knock them down.” he said, pulling me into a bigger hug until I was almost on his lap while the silent tears became heavy sobs. “It’s okay to cry… You don’t seem like you do that very much…” Freddie is like fire, warm, cozy, comfortable and just a tiny bit dangerous

“I’m alright…” I said, still crying, letting go of the warm embrace several minutes later to go sit in my chair again. There was silence between us, but it was not a wall, it was a bridge, we built a connection right there on the cold of my first night in town.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freddie and Roger - The beginning Part 2.  
> I'm sorry it took me so awfully long to finish this, the burning hot weather is making me sick... turning on my laptop became impossible at some moments, my brain is working on energy-saving mode, I guess...  
> As always, comments are really appreciated, tell me what do you want to see on this story and it might inspire me to bring new stuff all the time.

I have these nightmares sometimes, and I should know they’d be there to haunt me when I moved to the shared house, I couldn’t let myself go… Being exposed is never a good thing, so I tried my best to keep them away, keeping my spirits up. 

But then college happened, it started so fast, I couldn’t help but let myself go with all the stress… 

I’m working at this store as a salesman, we sell clothes and shoes, nothing really fancy, but Pat got me the job and they pay fairly well for a place smaller than our bedroom. Uni started a week ago, and I am trying my very best not to lose my mind with the crazy schedule of 8 classes per semester and a part time job. I also got access to an old drum kit of this music store in Kensington and if I save some pennies a month I think I’ll be able to buy that before x-mas. The owner of the store allows me to play drums over there two nights a week, he says I attract new customers. 

Life changed a lot already, and it’s only been a month. Tim is a very good friend, he and Brian are very good playing together. There’s something missing on their sound, but I can’t put my finger on it just yet. 

Freddie became my older brother, he makes me so happy every day and I really trust him as a friend, even tho the last deep conversation we had was that one when I arrived here… I know I should open up a lot more, especially to him, he’d never hurt my feelings, Freddie’s the best friend I could ever ask for, but I don’t know… Things were so stressful when I left Truro, maybe it’ll be better if I just forget all that and move on, and I think Freddie agrees with me, ‘cause he never asks more than the trivial things about my old life. 

The other guys and girls were nice, but I’d be lying if I said I immediately made friends with them, they were just too different from me, we have so little in common… 

I was happy Pat and John were on a romantic road trip this weekend, ‘cause I always felt a little intimidated when she was in the room. I didn’t have a problem sharing a bedroom with Brian or Freddie, and I never had problems showing some skin here and there, but with the tiredness of this week and I was afraid of making a fool out of myself in front of her, or something like that, I can’t explain it the right way… 

The thing is that yesterday I was exhausted… Like, I didn’t know how I didn’t sleep on the bus on the way home after work. And Freddie, the neverending ball of energy that he is, wanted to go for some drinks.

“Come on, Roggie! Let’s go!” My day didn’t suck that bad at work, that needs to be celebrated!” 

“Can’t. No money, no booze. I will only see some money on Monday, if I’m not mistaken, need to save some…” I said, resting my head on the arm of the couch, just right after grabbing some food, I was so tired I couldn’t even remember what I just ate. 

“It’s on me, darling, I sold some old art this week, I can treat both of us with a couple of shots… Please? It’s early and I promise we’ll be back before midnight!” Freddie insisted, making cute eyes and grabby hands to make me get up from the couch. 

“It was so comfy…” I said, pouting my lips a little when I finally got up and went to our room, to grab my coat. “You’re paying me a pint.” I demanded. 

“Even two, darling!” Freddie smiled widely and clapped his hands. “Come on…”

**

We arrived at the pub and it was almost empty, a little odd for a Thursday night. Freddie sent me out to grant us a table for two by the windows while he went to chant the bartender for some shots. 

“Here, darling, your pint, as I promised…” said Freddie, being followed by a waiter with a tray with beer and four shot glasses.

“Whoa, that’s a lot!” I said, really surprised that he managed to get us all that so fast. 

“It’s a celebration, Roggie, let’s make it big!” Freddie grinned.

I love these moments, I love his presence, and I was shamelessly starting to love him for real. Everything was big, from the way he smiled at me, carelessly showing off his teeth (something that he’d hide from time to time) to the way he talked with big gestures, enthusiastically living the best of life. Freddie is all anyone would want to be, he’s able to light up any place just being there...

He was talking about this new book he’s working on, for kids around the age of three, the enthusiasm on his eyes while he talking about the colors and the animals and how he’s inserting tiny cats on the jungle as easter-eggs for the kids to find, hoping he won’t be discovered, it was loud, but at the same time it was soothing and I could fall sleep right there. 

Somewhere in the back, someone changed the music that was playing, from some boring tunes to the Beatles, and that woke me up, but just a little bit. 

I kept downing my beer while Freddie talked and talked, lazily prolonging the moment as much as I could. When he asked me, I talked about uni, my favorite classes so far and some gross things that I saw on the first visit to the lab, all this while Freddie pretended to gag, he wouldn’t survive one day of biology. 

“I don’t understand why you need to see a damn stomach while you’re only interested in the teeth, it makes no sense…” he said, to what I shrugged, too tired to give him the full explanation on how gastroesophageal problems can cause bad breath and some other problems. 

“I’m not on Dentistry yet, it’s only for my specialization, for now I need to know the whole thing…” I said, downing one of the shots. 

“Already thinking ahead, I like that…” 

I don’t get drunk easily, but when my brain needs some rest it’s impossible to let even the smallest amount of alcohol take me down… Taking in consideration that I’m young and that my first experience with drinking was still small, it wasn’t strange when my mind started to get fuzzy. I just didn’t know Freddie would turn all momma eagle on me. 

“Just one more, Freddie? I’ll pay, I think I have some money here…” I said, scrapping my pockets for some coins. 

“No, no, no… Time to go home…” He said, paying and helping me get up, showing me the bill he just paid. 

I stumbled all the way home, trying and failing to walk a straight line that only existed in my head. We live only a few blocks away from the pub, Freddie tried his best to assure I wouldn’t fall or I wouldn’t get myself in trouble on the streets. With a little luck, a few “No, darling, come this way…” and a lot of obedience from my part, we made it back home safe. Next thing I remembered was being back in our bedroom. 

“But I don’t want to sleep…” I said, pouting. 

“Honey, just minutes ago you were dozing off while I talked, how come you don’t want to sleep now?” Freddie asked, helping me get rid of my shoes. 

“Don’t want to sleep…” I murmured, already laying down and making myself comfortable under the sheets.

“Yeah darling, I see…” Freddie said, and that was the last thing I heard before falling asleep, not for a second minding that I was on Freddie’s bed instead of mine. It was warm and comfortable, and that is all I cared about. 

Not much later I started having the same bad dream, the one bad collection of memories from when I was a child, all the bad bullies I encountered, livid, intense, making me fight whatever was holding me down. I woke up in a punch, sweaty and terrified, slowly realising that Freddie was holding my hand… “It’s alright, Roggie, you’re safe. I’m here with you…” he whispered quietly; it took me a few more seconds to realize we were still holding hands, and I didn’t feel like letting go…

Freddie was sleeping in my bed and I was on his bed. Freddie’s eyes were wide opened, probably asking himself what the fuck was wrong with me... He kept his hand up and adjusted himself on the lower bed in a way I could have it close to me, and I got it close to my racing heart. “I’m sorry” I mouthed, not really sure what exactly I was more sorry about, making him sleep on my thin bed or waking him up with my messy mind… But the latter hit harder. 

“Nothing to be sorry about, Roggie. You’re safe.” He whispered, his soothing tone was comforting and trustful, making me teary-eyed… “Nooo…” Freddie whispered, pulling his body up until he sat, not for a second letting go of my shaky hand. “It was a bad dream, just a bad dream… I’m here to wave them all away.”

After I calmed down a little more I finally let go of his hand, mind still foggy with alcohol, but wide awake to that moment of closeness. It felt wrong to be on his bed without him, I moved a little to get up, intending to go back to mine and switch places with him. 

He eyed Brian’s empty bed, he might have had a lucky night out with Tim. 

“We don’t need to sleep separated…” Freddie suggested, looking at me, his face half illuminated by the light from the streets. 

“Wouldn’t you mind sharing the bed with me?” I said, slowly turning bright red and thanking the gods that the lights were off… 

“No. If it will make you feel better, we can sleep together. I promise you I won’t move much…”

“What if I have another nightmare? I don’t wanna punch you in your sleep…” I whispered shyly.

“Then I will hold your hand again, even both if you don’t mind…”

I moved to the side of the bed, making space for him to join me, he stood up from my bed and climbed beside me. We both didn’t dare to move a muscle for a while, even though we were sharing a single bed that was luckily big enough to fit both of us. We laid looking at each other for a while and then he made a signal for me to come closer, adjusted himself on the bed covering both of us with his puffy blanket and I held him, resting my head on his shoulder. 

Freddie kissed my head and held me closer, to the point that I was half on top of him, but still in a comfortable way. 

It was all the comfort I needed at that moment, his warm skin sharing his heat with my cold hand rested on his bare chest…

I fell in love with Freddie the moment we met, I knew from the start he was going to be very important to me, he brings peace to my cloudy mind, he’s the reward for all the bullcrap life shoved in my face, and I have the small hope that one day I’ll get to mean the same for him…

“Good night, angel… Sweet dreams.” 

“Good night, Freddie, I love you.” I said, not really processing what I did, but sure of every letter. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long and gloomy winter... I still suck at descriptions.  
> But I'm proud of the whole thing, so enjoy!

Brian and Tim had some good songs, they were trying to add stuff here and there, having a baking vocalist (usually, one of Tim’s girls), and they even tried to get a few drummers to work with them, but things were not flowing. The poor blokes are good, I know good music, but it wasn’t happening, and I saw poor Brian getting more frustrated each day for the last couple of months.

Today Tim called me up for a conversation before he got to work, and he asked me if I was interested in auditioning for their band, just to try and raise money, nothing fancy, and then he told me which references they would be looking for, and I seemed to be their best shot, honestly…Modesty aside, ‘cause we never needed that, if you’re going for high standards like Mitch Mitchel and Ginger Baker, I’m your man. 

Brian was not convinced that I was good, being the only one who hadn't seen me playing, but when he got to see me play at the music store last Friday he was instantly magically convinced… And I’m not being sarcastic. 

“Welcome to Smile!” He said, sharing a huge cheeky grin with Tim.

“Yeah, the kiddo is good, told ya!” Tim replied. “I don’t know what took me so long to invite you… Think you’re gonna have learned the songs until next Friday?” 

“Gonna try…” I tried not to get my hopes up. No one knew if we’d work well together, there’d be no rehearsal time for this gig, so I (and them) would have to count on huge amounts of luck and a whole lot of courage. 

The guy from the music store rented me the kit for the month for the cheapest price possible, and I could, at least, check on the songs I didn’t know. Thankful that most of the set would be of mostly well-known covers. Tim helped me take the drum-kit home and keep it safe in the garage. It’d be good to practice a few times, just to keep the flow… 

The thing with Brian was that I never could figure him out. He was a science guy, that part was clear, he was always immersed in big books and never lost a chance to explain something about the stars in the sky. 

But there was this other part of him that was a rockstar. He’s a man of mean guitar riffs, and I have seen him spend hours and hours making that guitar sweat itself out from playing too hard. But don’t matter how much we see him as a rockstar, Brian never thinks he’s good enough. He is always saying his (velvet, soft, dreamy) voice is weak, or that he’s not good enough to be on a stage, that he belongs to the science club and music is there just to help him with some stuff…

My point is: If he wasn’t a good musician no one would go to their concerts, and I must say, for two anonymous blokes, like he says, they are loved, you know? People like them, especially on the unis, those are tough crowds! I understand he is a science guy, but nothing will ever stop him from also being the amazing guitarist he already is! Unless his broken self-confidence keeps biting him like it does constantly… which is a shame.I don’t pity the man, far from that. Brian is one of the most dedicated people I’ve met here. all he does, he delivers 100%. I knew it would be nice working with him, we weren’t that close yet, but he is exactly the kind of people I like to have around… I wish he knew that…

**

Our schedules got a little crazier along the week, and as the day of the gig approached, I had my first finals, Brian was going buried under notes and old books, and Tim and Freddie were up and down trying to make up for the classes they missed, it was hard to believe that find time to play on the weekend. Between Tim’s preparations and me spreading the news all around the uni, somehow, things worked themselves out. 

On the day of the concert everything goes like expected. We got a decent amount of money the next weeks, and we were filled with the good energy of having something exciting going on. I truly believed we had such great chemistry from the start, especially me and Brian, he had a great playing and I adjusted to that right away. 

We also got closer as the days went by, he started to come to me to talk, sometimes he’d call me to have an afternoon tea with him at a charming bakery not far from home, just us and a lot of talk about guitars and stuff like that. Maybe he wasn’t all that talkative, but I couldn’t complain, he, as opposed to me and Tim, was naturally shy, and I kinda liked that... 

One thing I realised early was that Brian lives to the expectation of his father, the man controls his mind from far away… Brian is always afraid to fail, always doubting his intelligence, even tho he’s the smartest man I’ve known so far… and I doubt that’s going to change. 

**

About a week after that first gig we were called to play in this pub close to Feltham, his and Freddie’s hometown… And boy, that was a bad idea…

Brian was not on his best, he made all the silliest mistakes, you could see the sweat dripping from his nervous hands, for a second I thought it was because it was a small pub on his birthplace, and not too many people were actually paying attention to us, but then I saw this well dressed couple in a table far from the “stage” (it’s kind of insulting to call that thin platform a stage…). The man looked so much like Brian, that kind of scared me for a while (I bet he will look like that in the future…), and the woman had his puppy eyes, it was undeniable that those were his parents, so instead of pushing him hard to play better, I just did my part, he definitely didn’t need the extra pressure. 

Unfortunately, they didn’t even finish watching our concert, leaving before Brian had the chance to share his particular skills playing a solo, which was heartbreaking to see, and made my blood boil… It was their only son on the stage, what was so hard to accept that they couldn’t just make him happy for one fucking night? 

After our last song, that Brian didn’t even sing, all the three of us didn’t have the energy to stay around for drinks and a chat with the locals, ~~we wanted~~… We needed to be quiet for a while, in respect to Brian. Tim got the money from the owner, that was the only good thing we got from that night, then he shared it among the three of us, loaded the van again and left for the small room we got for the night. 

**

We were staying in a kitchenette that belonged to Tim’s family, his cousin or something like that, and even tho the place was covered in dust, it was warm and had a nice couch, and a buckled bed.

“So, who sleeps where?” Tim asked. 

“I can take the couch, it’s my exact size I believe…” I offered, leaving them to the buckle bed decision. I just needed a shower and a place to crash.

“Maybe I should go home…” Brian announced in a whisper, not looking at none of us.

“Are you sure about that, mate? It’s getting late…” Tim asked.

“Yes, I think it’s better… There’s still time for the two of you to get a drink or two, if you want, that place was not that bad…” 

“I stink… No way I’m gonna leave this place tonight.” I said, worried with that sad expression on Brian’s face. 

“That makes two of us…” Tim agreed. 

“So… I’m going home for the night. There’s a few clothes I left there that I think they’ll be good for winter time…” Brain said, creating the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. He never cared about clothes, and all his stuff back at our place was more than enough. 

“Do what you want… I will get you there before we live tomorrow morning, if that’s good for you.”

“No need for that, really… I think I’m just gonna spend the weekend here, you guys can go back home…”

“Wait, Bri… Are you sure?” I asked, hoping he’d change his mind. Brian was acting out of anger, he probably wanted to know why his parents left the concert early without talking to him. Hell, to be honest with you, I wanted to know that too… But I didn’t think that was the right time for Brian to get that answer. I wouldn’t stop him, no, but if someone was about to break his heart, I’d like to at least be around to break their noses. (Or at the very least yell at them from the top of my lungs, because they’re still his parents, y’know?)

“Yes, Rog. I’ll be alright… See you at home, alright?” He replied to me, but couldn’t look me in the eyes. Maybe he just needed time with his parents, having a chat and being their son they could accept, but it didn’t look right.

_ Be supportive _ , my mind said. 

“Alright… Be safe out there, Bri.”

**

The next day Tim woke me up before six, which I found insulting, considering I spent the whole night wondering if Brian was ok. 

Tim had already taken a shower and dressed up, he seemed worried as well, but we didn’t say anything until I had some condition to think on my own with at least a few woke brain cells. 

“Are we going to Bri’s parents before we leave?!” I asked from the bathroom. 

“Nah, mate. He asked us to go straight home, that's what we will do.” Tim replied dryly, sincere, but still… I wanted another answer. 

“But… What if he needs moral support??” 

“He will find lots of it on Monday when he gets home, now leave this bathroom before you turn the pipes dry…” Tim stated, sounding like he was damn ready to leave. 

“I’ll be right out…” 

**

The ride back home was strangely quiet, Tim’s voice was still rough from all the singing the previous night. It was a strange thing to go back home without Brian, usually he’d be chatting up about the place we were in and all the details I missed being on the back of the stage. Suddenly, Tim broke the silence with a question.

“You really like him, right? Brian?” he asked, not taking his attention off the road. I sighed, took a deep breath and left the question unanswered for a while, turning my attention to the empty road and the sunrise going from orange to bright yellow. 

“Maybe I do…” I admitted quietly, after long minutes just wondering if my feeling were real, something that wasn’t clear. “But I also like Freddie, and that’s a little confusing…” I said, trying the hardest not to show more the essential. 

“You’ll figure things out, mate. Things will be alright…” Tim glanced at me in a very comprehensive way, it was comforting to hear that. Some day, sooner or later, I’d have those answers I was looking for, right?? 

“If you really care about him, give him time…” Tim continued. “His family is a complicated matter, he has a lot on his plate over there…” 

“Will he be alright?” I asked, knowing for an experience that families are not always supportive and lovely.

“He’ll cope.” He replied, smiling at the sight of our neighborhood, we were almost home, after only half an hour. “And if something happens, he has you, and Freddie, and myself…” 

“Thanks Tim. For the ride, and the talk…” I said, while she drove through the street that lead us home. 

“Not for that, Rog. Hit me up when things get blurred.”

We got home sooner than our usual breakfast time, Freddie was still sleeping, which made it complicated to get into our room in a quiet way if I needed to pull my bed out of his bed, so I just laid on Brian’s, feeling the strong scent of his curls allowing me to relax, feeling glad I had already showered and had a rare day off to sleep my worries away…

Freddie woke me up a couple of hours later, whispering softly close to me.

“Honey, you’re home… I missed you so. Where’s Bri?” 

I opened my eyes to see Freddie standing close to the bed, still wrapped in a blanket, messy hair and long pyjama bottom. 

“He stayed behind, he decided to go to his parents house last minute…” I replied, not lifting my head from the pillow, what made my voice sound funny, making Freddie look at me with a head tilt, like a puppy. 

“Did the gig go well, darling?”

“No… Far from that. But we managed, we were paid, it was enough…” 

“Oh honey… I’m so sorry about that… There will be better concerts, I know that!” Freddie sounded encouraging, so sweet, it really warmed my heart. “Are you up for a cuppa?” 

“Thanks, Fred, I still need a few more minutes in bed… What time is it, by the way?” 

“Only half past 10, darling… You can rest your old bones all day, right?”

“Oh, and I will… Hope Brian doesn’t mind me sleeping here today…” I said, snuggling into the covers, they had that fresh scent I liked so much, instead of mine that had a boring scent of my shampoo… 

“I won’t tell him if you don’t tell him…” Freddie whispered playfully. “Go back to sleep, Rog, I’ll bring you something later if you want.”

“Thanks, Freddie…”

**

Turns out I fell asleep for the rest of the day, nor Freddie nor Tim cared to wake me up, I figured out it was not just the immense tiredness I felt, but also the fact that for the entire time, I missed Brian so much, and being on his bed made me relax just a little. 

I still worried about him, my head was still focused on what could be happening in Feltham and how he was feeling. 

I came out of a family that was twisted, my dad is not the most loving guy and that caused a lot of scary moments that marked me forever, physically and emotionally. Because of that, I was afraid of that could happen to Bri. His father didn’t look like a violent man, a little far from that, but still… Their looks at him during our concert were not the most amicable ones, they didn’t seem to mind if their presence was important when they simply left… 

“Please, let him be okay…” I prayed when I opened my eyes, getting used to the absence of light. Then I got up and left the room to check on the rest of the house. It was dark already, but I heard voices, laughs, so when I checked the kitchen I got relieved to see only Tim and Freddie having a smoke.

“Pretty boy, you woke up!” Freddie smiled at me. “Come here… there’s a piece of pie here that belongs to you! Tim was feeling generous…” 

“Yeah, just got my money for the last day of that construction on Baker Street… Gave me a lot of work, but they were honest, they even paid me for the day, and I was only there to get some of my stuff…” Tim said while Freddie placed a plate with a generous piece of pie and a beer in front of me. 

“That’s good… Thanks to the money we got yesterday and the one I will get on Monday I might be able to give you my share on the rent earlier this time…” I announced before stuffing my mouth with the pie.

“Are you sure, honey? I was saving enough for both our parts, you had to buy those books and rent the drum kit…” Freddie offered kindly. He was the one who took me book shopping around many places so I wouldn’t fall behind on my studies. 

“I have it all covered, Fred. Thanks so much anyway…” I said, blowing him a kiss, he smiled and sent one back.

“I’ll leave you now ‘cause I promised to go to Carly’s tonight, please behave, the house is all yours since the folks are at the music fest at Cambridge.”

“Why are you not there?” I asked Freddie. 

“I had a lot of work to finish for this week’s classes, and you can always sing for me…” He replied cheekly, finishing his beer and getting a new one fast, while I still haven’t got the half of mine.

Freddie waited until I was done eating and then guided me back to our room, he was carrying some beers with him, enough to both of us, I presumed. 

“It’s too cold to be outside tonight, honey…” he said when I asked to go to the backyard

We sat on his bed instead, close to each other, backs to the wall, looking at Brian’s bed thinking about the lanky creature that should be laying there. 

“His parents were at the gig…” I murmured, taking a small sip of my beer. 

“Oh…” was all Freddie could reply, turning his gaze to the bottle on his hand. 

“I’m scared…” 

“Don’t be, sweetheart, Brian knows how to handle them, he is their son, he’ll be fine…”

“I hope you’re right… I really hope you’re right.” I said, resting my head on his shoulder, snuggling him closer to me. 

Freddie didn’t push back, he didn’t tell me to stop, instead, he brushed his head on mine like a needy kitty, almost purring when I hugged him tight. 

“‘S warm…” I murmured, enjoying the buzz from the beers and the warmth of his arm around me, pressing softly at the low of my back.

“It is, we need warmth, you’re gonna sleep here tonight…”

“Will I?” I questioned. It wouldn’t be the first time I slept in Freddie’s bed, it happens sometimes when we’re all needy, Freddie’s body heat was inviting, there was nothing malicious about showing some skin and being close to him like that. Of course it mattered, I’m not that innocent to deny we were falling for each other real fast, but it remains as our secret, and we like it like that. 

“Of course you will, honey… Unless you don’t want to…” Freddie looked at me with so much care and affection it made me melt, like I said, he’s so warm and inviting. His hands caressing my arm, so tender, it made my heart sing, suddenly I start to feel sleepy embraced like that, being rocked like I was a baby. 

We drank our beers and changed to pijama bottoms, cleaned the room just enough to make it acceptable and soon I was laying right in his arms.

I wanted to kiss him, I really wanted, but that was not the right time, so I just placed a small kiss on his jawline and we called that a night.

** 

The next day started with the sound of heavy rain falling mercilessly at that side of the town, I woke up startled by the sound of a loud thunder, making me tremble and raising my heart beats to a whole new level. Freddie, that didn’t look awake at all, tightened his grip, getting me even closer to him until our skins became one. 

“Shh, darling, it’s alright…” Freddie whispered in my ears, making me feel safe again. 

His scent and his soft breathing made me soon go back to sleep, perfect Sunday morning. 

Hours later I woke up to an empty bed and the sound of the shower, Freddie was in there and that would take a while, so I spread myself in bed, letting the sound of the rain allow me to relax a little bit more, when I was almost dozing off, Freddie came out of the shower smelling so good it woke up all my senses. 

“Hummm… That is a good looking man.” I said, getting up to a sitting position. 

“Turn around, honey. I don’t want you to see my butt.”

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna make us some tea…” I said, getting up and prepared to give him some privacy. 

“Get a coat, it’s freezing outside…”

“Ok, mum…” I grabbed the first thing resembling a coat I saw on the hanger behind the door and left him alone. 

When the tea was almost ready Freddie came into the kitchen bearing a pack of biscuits. 

“These are the good ones, my mom gave me them and I was waiting for a special moment…”

“Oh, it’s indeed a special day, right?” I said, blushing as I carefully poured him a cup of tea. 

“It’s always a special day with you, love…” he blinked at me jokingly, probably without any intention of making me blush harder, but it was impossible. 

**

It was around 5 in the afternoon when there was a noise at the door, Freddie and I were on the bigger couch. I was watching TV and he was pretending to care about a colouring correction he had to finish, we both looked at the door at the same time.

What came into the living room was the shadow of a man that could barely resemble to Brian, he walked in without saying a word to us, like he couldn’t even see us behind that unruly mess of curls he had almost hiding his face.

My heart almost stopped at the scene. He had puffy eyes stained with tears and a big red mark on his left cheek. He looked completely defeated leaving his keys close to the stand together with mine and Freddie’s. 

I didn’t dare to say anything, Freddie didn’t dare to move, we just watched him go to our bedroom in silence, giving him some time to feel at home again before one of us made a move in whatever direction was the right one in that case. 

We saw him turn off the lights and leave the door semi opened, which was a good sign. I turned off the telly so I could pay attention to the sounds, but nothing came out of the bedroom. Freddie got up to prepare some tea. 

“He seems cold, I don’t like it…” He murmured, going to the kitchen with that worried expression weigheting on him the same way it weighted on me. 

“Is it too early for me to go over there?” I asked, first following Freddie to the kitchen, stopping at the doorway. 

“Never too early to help, darling… Go.” He gave me the permission I needed. “I’ll be there with the tea soon…”

The sound of the rain came back strong while I made my way to our room, it seemed like a sign for me to stay as strong as I could be. When I got in I thought about turning on the lights, but it wouldn’t be polite of me, so I slowly made my way to the side of his bed using the low light that came from the corridor, being careful to not trip on the shoes and bags left on the way. 

“Bri?” I whispered. He was all covered by the blanket. Well, not all of him, he had his feet left outside, but only because he’s enormous. “Do you need anything?”

There was no response, the only sound coming from him was a soft snore that sounded fake for my trained ears. 

“You won’t mind if I stay around then…” I replied to that sitting beside his bed. “I’m gonna be right here…” I sat down and made myself comfortable, prepared to stay by his side all night if I had to. 

Freddie showed up minutes later with a plastic tray with a mug of tea. “Bri, my darling, I brought you a cuppa, just enough sugar, exactly how you like it…”

Brian made a move under the blankets, giving in to our presences, then he uncovered his face, still filled with tear stains looking fresh. “Thanks, Fred.” he whispered, not opening his eyes yet. Then he got up and sat, resting his back on the headboard of the bed. 

He took the mug of tea from the tray and kept it in his hands for a while, not minding the danger of burning his fingers. “Be careful, Bri, we like your precious hands.” Freddie observed, but Brian ignored him, holding the mug even tighter, eyes focused on the steam dancing out of the mug.

I just stood there beside his bed, making myself seen, but also giving him space to process whatever was going on inside his mind. Freddie left a few minutes later, understanding things could take a while, he came back to pretending to work. 

Brian knew I understood him, he knew my own relationship with my parents is turbulent, maybe that was the reason he allowed me to stay so close to him, even if none of us left out a simple sigh. He drank his tea and before the warmth of the mug had turned into cold, several minutes after Freddie left, he started crying, leaving me heartbroken and completely helpless. 

_ Am I really the right person to help him?  _ I started doubting. 

My heart ached at the sight of a crying man, so I got up and sat beside him on the bed, uninvited, making space for myself so I could fully be there for him with my warmth, since my words were failing me badly. Those were not heavy sobs, I believe he had enough of those judging by the way he was, but it was still painful. It was a silent cry of disappointment, and it was awful to notice that the people who hurt him the most were the ones that were supposed to help him. Why do families have to be such complicated things?

I put my arm around him and pulled him close to me, as close as he could be, and he rested his head on my shoulder, adjusting himself so we both would have enough space. Then he cried a little more, I got the blanket around him and made him as comfortable as he could be. 

After a few hours of silence he whispered something that took me a while to understand, but once I did I wanted to throw fists at his father. 

“He’s ashamed of me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore…”

That was so unfair, Brian was an example of what a good child should be, even as an adult, my parents would trade me for him in the blink of an eye. 

“You don’t need him… You’re loved here, you have enough here, and we appreciate you so much…” I said, hugging him tighter. “You’re loved, Bri. We’ll show you that…”, I said, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

“Why did he make me a guitar that he doesn’t want me to play??” he asked, leaving me speechless. I didn’t have an answer for that, I went through the same thing at mom’s, they gave me a drum kit, but once I started playing, there was always a complaint. 

“Why would they say I’m wasting my time if I’m doing all that I love??” Another question I didn’t have the answer for, so I decided to leave them unanswered, he needed to vent, and if I could help just offering warmth and comfort, that’d have to do. 

“I don’t have the answers to that, Bri, I wish I had. All I know is that I’m thankful for him and the Red, without them the world would have none of your long solos, and they amaze me all the time…” I tried my best to sound encouraging, knowing too well he still had the right to feel upset, no matter what I say. “Just promise me we’ll always play together, I’m gonna be your side-kick forever…”

“You’re more than just a side-kick, Rog, way more…” he said, in a grateful tone, and for the first time I felt some warmth coming from him. “I think I’m gonna take a shower… I had no peace since I arrived there…” he completed, but still made no move, instead, he held me a little more,

“It’ll be good for you, Bri… Clean up and rest a little bit, I’ll be here for whatever you need…” I encouraged, helping him get up… Better, forcing him to get up. 

“Alright… It might take a while, do you and Freddie had a shower, I don’t want to leave you with no hot water…” he asked, collecting his towels and a fresh set of clothes. 

“Don’t worry about that, you are the priority today…” I said, opening the door for him to pass. “Cold water is gonna be good for my skin…”

After he went to the bathroom and started his shower I went back to the kitchen with the mug and the tray, finding Freddie having a smoke. 

“What are you doing here?” He said. 

“What? I live here too, remember?” I replied, in full confusion.

“I’m talking about Brian, Roger. Why are you out of the room when he’s not ok…” He questioned, and I finally understood he was nervous with the situation.

“Well, he’s in the shower. I’m not sure he needs help there…” I teased. 

“Oh…” 

“Yeah… Oh. I can’t invade his personal space, you know? If he needs time he’ll have his time…” I said, reminding myself of Tim’s advice.

“Are you going back inside once he’s done and dressed?” Freddie questioned, offering me one of his cigs.

“Of course I will!” I said, lightening it up and taking a drag.

“Good job, darling…” Freddie smiled proudly. 

I was about to light up the second cigarette when I heard Brian leaving the bathroom, Freddie took it from my hands immediately. 

“He doesn’t like smoke, be nice to him and have a glass of juice before you go in there…”

I obeyed and got myself a glass of orange juice, finishing it fast so I’d be ready to see if Brian was okay. 

The room was dark again, darker this time because he closed the curtains. 

“Sorry, Rog, the street light is too strong, I hope you don’t mind…”

I didn’t, not really, but to someone who was semi-blind to walk in a dark room, that was a challenge. 

“No problem, just spread your arm in my direction so I can find you, please??” 

“Here…” He said, taking my hand firmly and guiding me to sit on the bed with him. I almost stumbled and fell on his lap, but he quickly gave me more space and lighted up his bedside lamp to make things better. I was embarrassed when he looked at my face with a half cheeky smile. 

“Everything good?” He asked. 

“I don’t know… I came here to check up on you, and instead…” 

“Don’t worry about that. I’m glad you’re here…” He was looking at his lap now, hands firmly gripping the sheets. 

“Are you sure I’m not bothering you? You still seem tired…”

“I’ll have all night to sleep… Did you and Tim make a quick trip back yesterday?” he tried to start an actual conversation.

“Pretty much, yeah… Tim woke me up extra early so there was no traffic all the way…”

“Did you take good care of Red??” 

“Oh, she’s safe and sound… I think she even likes me now.” I joked, glancing at the guitar case on the corner of the room. “I need to go to the instruments shop tomorrow, the owner likes to check if I’m treating the drum kit well…”

“I’ll take you… I’m gonna take Tim’s van to run some errands and I can take you to the shop, if you want…” Brian offered, it feels good that he wanted to spend some time with me. 

“I appreciate that, Bri. Are you feeling better?”

“Just a tiny little bit… Just to be home, ya’know?” I knew, of course I did, I feel better living with them than I did in a lifetime with my family. 

“You’re safe now…” I rested my head on his shoulder, hesitant, hoping to be rejected, but it didn’t happen. Strangely, Brian accepted the gesture, laying his head on mine tenderly. 

The rain came back strong, again, and I felt a cold breezy wind in the room by the half-opened window. “You’re cold…” Brian noticed, pulling me closer and rubbing his hand through my arm. 

“I might be, the rain has not given us a break since yesterday…”

“Maybe we should sleep it out then…” He said. 

I pulled away, to get ready to make my own bed, maybe it was a good idea to sleep things out, the silence between us made me want to kiss him more than I could handle. Brian held my arm, stopping me from leaving the bed. 

“What?” I asked, puzzled by the way he looked at me with sad puppy eyes. 

“I’m not sure if I want to sleep alone…” 

“Oh… I’m gonna stay then....” I sat resting my back on the headboard of this bed while he adjusted himself, lying comfortably under the blanket. He opened up some space, gave me his extra pillow, lifted the covers, and without a single word, invited me in…

After I laid down beside him he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head, closing his eyes and falling asleep instantly while I enjoyed the warmth of being close to him.

“Thank you, just for being you…” he whispered, half-asleep. 


End file.
